autism – Page 2 – sherylscript

Getting Through The End Of The Quarter Workload

Nearing the end of the quarter is not fun for teachers or students. For an autistic teenager, it’s an anxious-ridden, turbulent time. If autism is coupled with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), it’s a nightmare for the family.

This last weekend Nicholas presented me with the work he had to accomplish. He had a huge project due on Monday. He also had a major test in that same class on Monday. He had another project due later in the week. This particular project required drawing and writing: the two weaknesses of Nicholas. There were other assignments and tests, also due on Monday.

Monday Morning Blues awaited, but we could lessen that impact with hard work. The trick was to not let Nicholas feel anxiety. Once that hits, game over. That means he can’t focus anymore. Literally.

I spent the weekend working with Nick. We prioritized. What had to be done immediately? What could we use as a “break”? When I saw how much information this one test was going to cover, we instantly started studying. I learned with him. We focused on major concepts. Then we added details. Memory is Nick’s strength.

When we had to take a break, we focused on the projects. We alternated memorizing and projects. Until 5pm Saturday evening. I could see stress starting to build in Nick. We had covered so much, yet we had much more to do. I had to pace us–to keep going slowly but steadily.

By 6pm Nick’s eyes revealed signs of anxiety. We stopped. I made a decision. No more project work. Nick’s eyes widened. I told him enough was enough. He had to focus on one item. I said the test was more important that the project. I told him I’d email the teacher right away. He was unsure, but he immediately sighed. Really. His shoulders relaxed.

I emailed the teacher about the situation, even saying that I assumed she would be understanding and generous. I received a reply Sunday morning. The teacher agreed to let Nick have an extension on the project. She enlightened me that she knew Nick had been working on it since the project was assigned. He was asking her questions daily. So this definitely was not a case of procrastination. I showed Nick the teacher’s email, and he was happy. Nick was happy. 🙂

Nick came home yesterday, and he said that he thought he did well on the test. It hadn’t been graded, but he wasn’t concerned. Which is unusual. He said he had to focus on the projects. Last night we drafted three pages of his project, and he completed them. Tonight we’ll do the graphs and the written assignment. That will be one project done.

Then the next project awaits. Always, one at a time!

Amazed and Thankful

Both Ryan and Nick went to the Homecoming Dance, and they both had fun. I am amazed that they wanted to go. I am thankful that they could go together with friends. They are still quite shy and quiet in most circumstances, yet they are courageous enough to keep trying. I wonder how many times they felt like quitting. I have often thought of the kids who walk away because they don’t understand my boys. Then I think of my boys and how they felt when left alone.

I can’t get into their brains. I have asked how they think or what they think. Quite often, they can’t express their thoughts.

I remember when Ryan was four years old, and he couldn’t talk. He couldn’t say, “I love you.” He didn’t want to be hugged or touched. The walls in my house had dents from him leaning back to avoid hugs. At that time I had no idea he had sensory issues.

When Nick was two, he could say, “I love you,” but it was one word at a time with long pauses between the words. “I”… “love”… “you”. He had not progressed at all when he turned three.

Now I see them interacting with peers. Many classmates are patient with Nick and Ryan; many are not. I still can’t help but be amazed and encouraged by my own kids–teens with autism–not giving up.

I am very thankful for my heroes.

The Battle Begins: Trust The Parent?

The first Monday morning of summer school I went to the school early to talk with the computer teacher, Mr. L. I informed him that my two boys had autism and IEPs (Individual Educational Plans– big name for the educational goals that teachers and parents set for the child). The teacher said that he would get everything from the computer. I offered my cell phone, and he replied that was on the computer too.

The first week of summer school passed. Nick was very frustrated. He had a D+. If anyone knows Nick, he or she would know something was terribly wrong. This is the child that is the perfectionist. Back in March he had one A+, three As, and one A-. He was NOT happy because he did not have straight As. The A- was not good enough. The next report card showed five As. Nick was happy.

So this D+ was not good.

Ryan had a B. Ryan is the one who can wait til the Earth fades before pulling out a book to study.

I tried to figure this out. I asked the boys several questions. I received some conflicting answers, but what was clear was that the special accommodations that were listed on the IEPs were not being implemented. Nick and Ryan are suppose to get extended time on assignments and tests. That was not happening. Nick needed that time.

The following Monday morning my husband and I showed up with copies of the accommodation pages from the boys’ IEPs. Mr. L refused to accept the pages. He said that, since these papers did not come from the administrative office, he could not accept them. There were legalities involved.

I was stunned. NEVER in my life had a teacher refused these papers. In fact, teachers usually expressed gratitude, “Thanks. It usually takes the office days or weeks to get these to us.”

Mr. L asked me if I understood. The Mama Bear in me challenged him, “No.” I took a breath. “No, I don’t. I’ve never had a teacher question my integrity before.” I had to restrain myself…

My husband and I walked to the administration office, and we talked with the principal. She said, “You need to understand that we have 1300 students here. It’s going to take time.” I bit my tongue.

The next day I made an appointment with the vice principal and the teacher. The vice principal, Mr. Z, was a teacher that knew from Nick’s junior high. When we arrived at the classroom, Mr. L was busy at the computer. We sat down. Mr. Z asked if I brought copies of the boys’ IEP so he could read them. I laughed. Here is an administrator asking ME, the untrustworthy parent, if I had copies. He couldn’t get copies from the computer in the administration office? He was going to TRUST ME, the parent? How daring!

The meeting was successful, but I couldn’t get over the irony of the teacher vs the vice principal. One refusing the IEP from me, and the other wanting a copy from me.

Just another day in the life of being an advocate for my kids in the school system!

photo credit:TI CC-40 (Set: 30)

Pondering the Twelve Days of Christmas

It started out of 2 needs. I wanted to celebrate the real Christmas season, and I needed to not spend a lot of money.

In the early years of our marriage, I saw how the materialism was ruining Christmas. All the commercials were enticing my young boys. Toys, trucks, games, etc. “I want this, Mom.” To show how bad the commercialism impacted my sons, one said, “If you won’t buy it for me, I’ll tell my grandpa, and he’ll get it for me.” He said this with absolute assurance that his grandfather would get it. The sad part is–he was right. His grandfather loved to spoil him. There is nothing wrong with grandparents expressing their love through gift-giving. However, when a grandchild EXPECTS it, that is NOT acceptable.

The commercialism also made the Christmas season the time BEFORE Christmas, not the 12 days following. I wanted to teach my boys what the “liturgical calendar” was vs the “retail calendar”. Christmas does not END on December 25. The Christmas Season truly STARTS on Christmas Day.

The other reason that prompted our celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas was money; there was the lack of funds to purchase these tokens of love, those gifts. We were not starving, but finances were slim. Extras just didn’t exist. So how could I provide a modest yet meaningful Christmas?

My husband and I decided that the 12 Days of Christmas were a perfect answer. We could space out the gifts, one per day. We could take advantage of the sales the days after Christmas when tons of items were half price. We could easily stretch what little money we had to purchase a bit more.

The effect was wonderful. On Christmas Day the boys opened gifts from relatives. They also opened that special gift that Santa brought. The next day they could open another present which appeared that morning under the tree. The next day also produced a new round of gifts. Needless to say, the boys enjoyed opening presents daily. Each present was thoroughly enjoyed. The boys were not overwhelmed by a ton of items all at once. That is incredibly important for kids with autism. There was no let-down that usually comes from the “that’s it!” idea. Clean up was also much EASIER. Learning to put new things away was simpler as well. Each item found its home daily, rather than stashing lots of stuff in a closet.

So what did I give each day? Most of the gifts were simple: a pack of gum, a soda, movie tickets, board games or a deck of cards. Sometimes gifts were necessities, like socks or shoes. Some presents were very individualized, like music. Others were family oriented. As the boys have grown, we have moved toward the family experiences: dinner out, a day at the beach, bowling, miniature golf, and Disneyland.

The focus of Christmas is so easily lost in our trying to show our love via an item. Scrambling to the stores and malls has turned into a zoo. People get hurt or trampled on Black Friday. The birth of Our Lord is diminished through such chaos. We have tried to show our boys that gift giving should reflect the love of Our Father through the birth of His Son. Christ was born in a humble manger. He didn’t require silk and satin. Likewise, our tokens of love don’t have to be diamonds and emeralds. The gift of self is the best. It does not cost anything, yet it is priceless!

photo credit:brockvicky

Working Full Time: Honeymoon Is Over

I’m on my fifth week of full time employment. The paycheck is nice. Very nice. Everything else is on a downward slope. Laundry is building up. Dinner isn’t getting prepared. The chores are sliding. Home schooling? Don’t make me laugh.

AND I’m tired.

I am not pushing to have everything done. My boys, including the two with autism, are rather typical. If they can get away with not doing their work, they are not going to do it.

It’s late, even as I write, so this entry will be short and sweet. The (good) news is that I was offered another temporary full time contract, and I have accepted it. I have not told the boys yet. Can’t wait to see the “surprise” looks on their faces when they find out they have a few more weeks to go.

HAHAHAHAHA

Autistic Children and Socialization = Mental Marathon

Socializing for autistic children is a mental marathon. Think about running a marathon. You would train for several months, doing different types of training, like weight training and endurance training. After each session, you’re tired, or you should be if you have put forth 100% effort.

The same can be said for autistic kids and social situations. It demands so much effort and concentration that they can be mentally and physically tired. Think about what happens in a typical conversation between two people, such as eye contact, tone, gestures, and inflections. Then include the actual words being stated. Now think about what those two people have to tune out, such as outside noise and activities, distracting smells, and flickering or bright lights.

Neuro-typical or NT people do all this without thinking out it. Autistic children do not, and they have to be taught. It’s one step at a time. Add to the above scenario the fact that autistic children then have to process what was actually said, think of the response, and then articulate that response. If your child is like mine, he thinks in pictures. So now we’re talking about all of those steps above AND having to translate the words into pictures that he can understand. He then has to think of a response in pictures and translate those pictures into words.

Those brain cells are firing like crazy. Mental marathon.

Two years ago my Nick literally complained about his heart pumping so fast. He had talked to a peer for 10 minutes. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. There is so much concentration and anxiety is social encounters, that it is bound to take a toll of some sort on these kids.

Onto Jacob and Meredith’s question about Andrew and Ryan (their sons Andrew and Ryan), which pertained to Andrew only socializing during school and not having play dates, and his brother Ryan has play dates frequently. Should Mom push to arrange social activities? (To see the actual question, go see the first comment under Dec. 17, 2009 blog entry.) First, I would recommend to see your two sons as totally different individuals with different talents and skills. Their strengths and weaknesses will differ, no matter if they both have autism or not. Second, I would push Andrew’s comfort zone, but slowly and in “baby steps”. Only you will be able to gage what that exactly means as you (parents) alone are the experts on your child. Maybe schedule an outing on a Saturday for 15- 30 minutes at a park. Physical activity takes a lot of stress of a social situation because the kids can engage in the same activity, maybe even side-by-side, without having to feel forced to talk.

When it came to my children, I asked the teachers to recommend students who might be a good “guide” for my kids. The teacher usually volunteered to talk with the parents about my kids and trying to set a play date. I then arranged to meet in a neutral place for a very short time. I found a neutral place was important so my kids couldn’t hide. The place also didn’t have known “triggers” such as a dog, cat, or smoke.
Most importantly, no matter how a social encounter ends, always praise your child for trying.

photo credit:bradleypjohnson