Category: moving out

Ryan Moving Out?!

Ever since Ryan was a baby, he wanted to be independent.  As soon as he learned to walk at nine months, he was in constant motion.  At ten months, he was running.  He wanted to be where he was not.  Wherever we travelled, he explored his environment with great speed and enthusiasm.

As a toddler, he played with his toys by himself mostly, but he did laugh and enjoy his older brothers’ company.  I could hear him laugh with them.  He also loved to run with them.  He was a natural at distance running, which he had to be to keep up with the bigger boys.
As autism emerged, Ryan isolated himself into his own world.  I reflect back, and I surmise it was easier for him to exist.  He lost most of his speech.  At age four, he had command of 31 words, 15 of them were more akin to grumbles than real words.
Over the years we encouraged him and helped him learn to deal with our world.  He has grown into a young man of hidden talent, incredible imagination, and indisputable intelligence.  He can communicate well with anyone who asks him questions.  Most people would simply think he is a shy person.
He has wants and dreams like anyone else.  He craves to be recognized as an individual.  I respect his desire to move out and be responsible for himself.  Early this month we submitted an application for an apartment.  Pending that approval, there is an apartment vacancy coming at the end of the month that Ryan was offered.  Ryan enthusiastically accepted.  Ryan smiled.
Ryan’s photo work
As a mom, my goal is to raise children who will move out and be their own persons as adults.  My love is to push them out the door, ultimately.  My two oldest sons have moved out, and I happily let them go, with a slight twinge of bittersweet pang.  With Ryan I have more concern and questions regarding his readiness to face the world alone.  However, I am reminded that every man must face the world.  Alone.  Autism or not.
While I may lurk in the background, that is all I can probably do–lurk.  I have to let him go.  He may fall, and I won’t be able to kiss his cheek, wipe away a tear, and hug him.  I won’t be able to reassure him and encourage him spontaneously.  He will have to find his way, make his own decisions, and reap his rewards or consequences.
It may be more of a difficult transition for me than Ryan, but he has become his own man!

Stuart Moving Out

The mission of a mom’s love is to say good-bye.  Pure and simple, that is what a mother wants:  to raise her child to become an adult who can go into the world and be the best that he or she can be.  Of course, that is oversimplified.

My son, Stuart, has officially signed a lease for an apartment.  He’s moving out of the house.  Stuart is more than ready, yet not quite.  I don’t think anyone is really ready to move out.  The only full proof way to learn how to be on one’s own is to be on one’s own, like on the job training.

He’ll have to meet deadlines, plan his time, budget his money, etc.  Oh, and those choices.  He’ll have to make wise choices.  The School of Hardknocks is a tough one, but it employs one of the best teachers:  Experience.

Stu’s moving out is really a bittersweet moment for me.  Stuart was diagnosed with a speech delay in first grade.  The kindergarten teacher was the first to point out that Stu seemed to stray in conversations.  Mike and I had noticed some variances from normal conversation, but nothing really askew.  The most noticeable issue with Stu was his word choice.  He’d use a related word instead of the usual word.  For example, “How many pounds are you?” vs “How much do you weigh?”  I often wondered if Stuart will ever understand the proper words to use.  Will strangers be able to understand him?

His speech delay hampered his development of vocabulary.  He was very literal.  He understood synonyms, antonyms, and homonyms, but he studied them to understand the relationship of the words. When it came to homework, he had to work twice as hard as his peers to learn half as much. Nonetheless, he was always on the honors list.

At school, I met with teachers before school started to explain Stuart’s learning disability.  Because Stuart didn’t “present” any disability, most teachers would assume nothing was wrong.  Once I pointed out the issue, teachers would realize and acknowledge the unusual way he interpreted lessons.

When Stuart went to the junior high school, life became a battle.  With the change of teachers for each class, Stuart had to work even harder to maintain being on the honors list. The teachers denied Stuart had a disability.  Teachers even challenged the last psychologist’s report.  I had to go to the district level to resolve this problem.  Funny part of this was that the school psychologist who had tested Stu was now the head of the psychologists in the district.  When she called the junior high, I had no more problems.  For the most part.

Stuart decided he wanted to be home schooled for high school.  I tried to talk him out of it as my youngest was going into first grade–school for a full day.  I thought I might have some time to myself. HA.  Stuart presented very sound reasons for being home schooled.  Hence, he was home schooled all four years.  During his freshman year, he tested at par regarding his speech.  Thus, he had no more speech therapy.  Language-based classes were difficult, but he studied independently.  He also pursued and received a piano scholarship and earned his massage therapy license too.

He has completed his AA in business and is continuing his education at the local university.  He’s working two jobs to pay for his tuition.  He’s had a steady girl friend for three years.

Stuart is moving out.  I’ll still worry, but I smile.  Mission complete.