Category: teens with autism

Going Out–Wow

Ryan, Nick, Cam

Last October my youngest three boys were invited to their first formal event, a friend’s quinceañera.  Yes, they’ve been to family weddings and other special occasions, but this invitation came from a friend, not family.  Talk about reactions:  one son was quiet, probably worried that he might have to talk with someone; another was excited because he loved to talk and dance; the third just smiled.

I coached each one as needed.  I gave one son some questions to ask if he felt uncomfortable around people.  The next I gave guidelines on staying on a given subject.  The third just smiled.  We also researched the event online, so they would know what to expect.  We went through the history as well as the rituals of the event.  They were prepared.

Ryan, Nick, and Cam dressed up and let me take pictures.  This was not common, and I could not believe my eyes.  My boys were not my little babies.  It just really hit me that they’ll be out in the world more and more.

The evening was a blast.  I wish more people could have seen them.  Too often, many are uncomfortable around autistic kids. My kids acted like everyone else. They laughed and danced, enjoying the festivities.  They were fine!

Hamburgers Vs French Fries

Cameron

Nick, Cameron, and I spent a few days in Tucson.  We found a restaurant that offered gluten free breads and buns as well as grass fed beef; foods we consume at home.  Awesome!  I didn’t have to cook.  They did not hesitate to order hamburgers, and they were happy about not having to get a lettuce wrap.  It was a TRUE hamburger!

Nick’s plate:  no fries


In the middle of dinner, I noticed how these boys attacked their food.  I laughed at how similar and different they were.  They both ordered hamburgers, but what they ate first differed.  Neither opted to sample the other food item on his plate until the first item was completely consumed.  NO mixing foods!  If you know Nick, fries are always the first to go!  For Cam, the burger was serious business!

Cam’s plate:  no hamburger


In the end, it did not matter what was eaten first.  Teen boys ate everything on their plates. Just a simple dinner out, but how I love just spending time with my boys!

Our Children: Problems or Problem Solvers

How much time do we waste striving for perfection?  Will we ever learn that perfection will always elude us?  However, we should still aim to improve.  What a balance!!  We need to challenge ourselves, but we also need to know when to stop.

When it comes to our children, we often push for the better time in a race, a better grade on a test, or better performance on that instrument.  While all those goals are worthy, we need to consider the sacrifice.  Is something else being neglected?  Is our push towards greatness increasing character in a positive way, or is it crushing our children’s spirit?

I have three children with autism.  For years, they have had therapies focusing on their weaknesses. My kids need to do this or say that.  Painful hours.  At some point, I had to think outside the box.  My kids may never be able to do things that neuro-typical kids can do, so why are we, the therapists, doctors, teachers, and family all focused on pushing for those “normal” goals?  We should be looking at different solutions that my boys can use to accomplish those goals.  What I mean is my boys may achieve the “normal” goal in an unusual or unorthodox way.

 I looked at my sons’ strengths and found many.  I changed how their therapies were done.  We focused on what they could do to help what they couldn’t do.  Their worlds changed overnight.  Suddenly, they were happy.  They could accomplish tasks.  They were smart.  They could do things!

Simply by changing focus of what they can’t do to what they can do made a huge difference.  No longer were my boys “incapable” or disabled.  They just solved problems differently than others.  They were now seen as problem solvers vs problems.  Big difference.

Our children can surprise us.  Capitalize on what they can do, and see just what else opens up!  Our children will see themselves as doers.  Our children can become self-reliant, a skill necessary for adulthood.

Whether our children have disabilities or not, our children all have the same goals of being loved, accepted, and successful.  How we see them and what we tell them matters.  If we constantly criticize, our children will learn to criticize.  We need balance.  Of course, we need to correct wrong doing, but we need to celebrate right doing.

Just how often do we parents celebrate that?  We need to celebrate the positive more than correcting the negative.

Lord, Please Give Me Coffee or Give Me Wine

I love this quip (see photo). I use it as part of my “signature” in all my emails.
Of course, it’s a spin off the Serenity Prayer, but I much prefer this adaptation.  It’s much more applicable in my life.  I drink coffee.  I drink wine.  I drink coffee to be alert and DO.  I drink wine to chill and RELAX.  I know I’m not alone.  I know many moms, especially moms of special needs kiddos who rely on this mantra.

With kids, every mom has a daily to-do list.  If you homeschool, that list is even longer.  I have autistic teens.  My list, well, I’ve learned to call it a wish list.  No matter how I plan, life just throws a curve ball, and I have to adjust.  Sometimes, my kids don’t understand an assignment which I thought would take little time to accomplish.  Other times, I get a call from a therapist, doctor, or Mr. WhoknowsWho, and wham, I have to deal with THIS situation right away.  Of course, THIS situation blows up my to-do list.  Hence, now it;s a wish list.  Maybe I’ll get to it…

What am I going to do?  Complain?  Probably.  Will it help?  No.

Sigh.  That’s when I ask, “Dear Lord, what do you want me to do?”  I have to admit it is more fun to pray “Lord, give me more coffee to change what I can change, and wine to accept what I can’t.”  However, it is actually helpful to hold a cup of coffee to slow me down to think of what I should do.  It helps to hold a glass of wine to reflect on what I need to accept. Obviously, I don’t do this ALL the time, but the idea still holds.

SO, I have learned to have a plan and be flexible. I have to remember that the Good Lord is in charge, and what I thought was important may not be so important.  I pray that God will give me what I need and when I need it.  It may be simply more coffee or more wine, depending on the case.  Maybe it will be just a moment of silence to distinguish His will, and that is enough.

Water Rafting in Alaska

While we were in Alaska, we actually did activities together.  One was water rafting.  Water was a balmy 37 degrees (F).  As the ice glaciers melt, the water gets COLDER during the summer.  No, Mike did not consult me on the water temperature.  I’ve always liked water rafting during the summer, so why should this be different?  Ahh, maybe the water would be cold??  It was!!  However, it was worth it.  The scenery was breathtaking.  Beautiful sunshine.  (Some) snow on the mountains.  Crystal clear rivers.

We also got a professional portrait of ourselves done on board the ship.  Mike said we should do things that we don’t normally do.  So, here is our official 25th anniversary photo together!

Writing With "Punch"

Mom’s humble cell phone

The past summer has been full of happening.  Many required constant attention, and time to write has diminished.  I will try to highlight what has happened with shorter entries.  Here’s a short one:

In keeping my boys’ writing skills up during the summer, I asked them to write a paragraph about my cell phone.  I told them to use vocabulary with punch.  Although they wrote independently, they both concluded their paragraphs, “Mom’s flip phone sucks.”  I don’t like that last word, but it does have “punch”.

I love my simple cell phone.  One charge lasts ten days.  It works on demand: I can make phone calls.  Tis a truly amazing device!  It does take photos, and I can play games and music on it.

Sometimes, “old school” is just fine!

Recipe For Success: Easy As Pie

Here’s the basic recipe for mint chocolate chip pie!

Ryan enjoying a bite

1 package (8 oz) softened cream cheese
1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk
1/8 teaspoon mint extract
1 container (8 oz) nondairy whipped topping
1 bag of chocolate chips
1 package ready to use 8 inch pie crust


1.  Beat the cream cheese in a mixing bowl until fluffy, usually a couple minutes.  Gradually add sweetened condensed milk.  Continue to beat in mint extract.  Be careful to use a small of amount of mint extract as the mint extract can be strong.  Add more to preferred taste.

2.  Fold in whipped topping with rubber spatula.  Fold in chocolate chips.  Keep a few chips out if embellishment the top is desired.  Carefully spoon in pie crust.  Put in freezer until hardened, at least 8 hours.  Overnight is better.

3.  Remove from freezer about 5 minutes before serving.  Garnish with chocolate chips and mint leaves.

That’s it.  Very simple.  No baking required.  I can decorate the pie to fit any occasion.  I sometimes use colored sprinkles, ie green for St. Patrick’s Day or red for Valentines Day.  My only caution is that the pie can melt quickly depending on the weather.  Serve quickly after the initial few minutes out of the freezer. Any remaining pie can save in the freezer until the next time.  I have also put in the pie mix into individual cups, as seen in Ryan’s picture.  The cups freeze, and my boys have a gluten free dessert!  My sons have been making this pie for years.  They still fight over the beaters and mixing bowl.  Good to the last drop!

Some variations:

To make 2 pies, I get a 16 oz container of whipped topping and 2 pie crusts.  Make as instructed, but substitute the 16 oz whipped topping for the 8 oz whipped topping.  Divide the mixture into the 2 pie crusts.  I do NOT double the entire recipe.  The mix is rich enough that the added whipped topping is fine.

I can substitute mint candies for the mint extract.  Simply put candies in a sealed plastic sandwich bag and crush.  (Parents might need to supervise youngsters.)  I use about 3-4 candies.  

Any flavored crust can be used.  Chocolate pie crusts add an extra dose of chocolate.

To make the caramel chocolate chip pie, substitute the caramel flavored sweetened condensed milk for the regular sweetened condensed milk. Omit the mint extract.

Gluten free pie crust option:

2 cups gluten free cereal
3 tablespoons melted butter
2 tablespoons sugar

Crush cereal in a plastic bag.  Add butter and sugar.  Shake.  Pat the mixture into a 8 or 9 inch pie pan. Bake at 400 degrees F for about 6 minutes.  Let cool.  Then add pie mixture.

Great Mistakes=YUM

Chocolate Chip Caramel Pie with some left over

Chocolate. Cream. Mint. Yum!

I was about 24 when I glanced saw a magazine cover touting easy to make pies.  So I purchased the magazine and sought the article.  I found a few promising recipes, and I knew I would try the mint chocolate chip pie first.  WIN!
This pie is so versatile.  I could decorate with fresh mint or chocolate chips, candy canes, sprinkles, or whatever the occasion demanded.  No one ever was disappointed.  This dessert always put a happy face on the most skeptical of picky eaters.  

Then came the gluten free diet.  I learned to make gluten free crusts or the boys by combining gluten free cereal and butter and mashing into a pie pan.  However, it became much easier to just put the filling in custard dishes.  My boys never complained except for when their dish became empty.

Thirty some years later, I know the recipe by memory.  I can pick the ingredients out blindly.  Or so I thought.  This time I made the mistake of purchasing caramel flavored sweetened condensed milk.  Who knew I had to watch out for that?  I knew about the fat free and low fat versions, but flavoring?


Chocolate.  Cream.  Caramel.  Hmm!!

I didn’t notice my mistake until I got home.  I didn’t want to go to the store to get a replacement.  So adventurous crowd that we are, we tried it.  And WIN.  My husband and I fought over the bowl.  Rich but not overly sweet.  


A couple years ago I arrived at my mom’s house for Christmas without my mint chocolate chip pie.  Everyone was stunned.  My mom said that if I ever show up again without my pie, well, don’t bother coming!!  She exclaimed, “You always make it.  It’s understood. I didn’t know we had to request it.”  Well, I hope the same thing happening with this pie.  YUM!!

Now to teach my boys how to make it!
  

Grandparents and Grandsons

Stuart, Ryan, Nick, Cam

Nothing like four boys to keep grandparents young!

Sherry and Tony, Mike’s mom and husband, came to stay with our boys while we were in Alaska and California.  Although they are in their seventies, they kept our boys busy.  “Busy” didn’t necessarily mean going places and doing things to keep the boys entertained.  It was more of keeping schedules and visiting.  Even Ryan and Stu came to visit frequently.  That is something that Ryan does not do much–visit with people.

Tony and Sherry

I don’t know too many grandparents who would want to come and stay for two weeks with teenage boys, particularly with special needs.  To help Sherry out, I had a calendar written out for her to avoid guess work.  The boys and I completed the calendar the week prior as the regular, daily events unfolded.  I was amazed how much we forgot to write down at first.  Sherry constantly referred to that calendar to keep life smooth!

The boys were in constant motion between summer school, work schedules, and social outings.  They also had to cook when Grandma was not feeling too well.  Sherry informed me that they stepped up to the plate, literally, to make dinner. Games, movies, lunches out filled in whatever free time they had.

When Mike and I spoke to people on our trip, they asked if we worried about our boys.  I replied, “No! They are good kids, and they are in good hands!”

Thank you, Sherry and Tony.

photo credits:  Sherry

25th Anniversary Celebration

Today is our 25th anniversary.  Mike planned our ten day getaway.

In Alaska

We took a seven day cruise to Alaska.  We did things out of my comfort zone, and we had a wonderful time.

We then went to meet up with Mike’s family in Northern CA.  We had a great time catching up with the extended family.  I showed pictures of our boys.  They hardly recognized our boys, as the boys are “all grown up”.

Mike with siblings and Dad

We travelled onward to the wine country.  We did a few wine and food tastings.  Quite elegant.  And educational.  I need a few more (actually any lessons) cooking lessons on cooking and how to compare/contrast wines with foods.

We spent our 25th anniversary with just each other.  We had thoughts and discussions of doing the entire rendition of renewing vows and reception after.  We couldn’t quite agree on that.  So we ended up spending the day with just each other.

Sheryl and Mike

That was perfect.

We have never been away from our kids this long.  They are older and are more independent.  The grandparents stepped in to oversee schedules.  I have some reassurance that our house won’t burn down.

In the life of autism, this is paramount: to not forget the couple we are.  Husband and Wife.  As long as our relationship is intact, autism does not define who we are, although it is a part of our lives. We are happy, and our job is to make sure that our kids get what they need to do what they wish to pursue.  God willing, we will be blessed with more years of happy marriage, in which we support our boys.

Cheers!