Ryan’s Photos at RMG Imaging Artists

Ryan has thrived since he started the photo shop classes.  He has matured greatly as his confidence grows.  He talks more.  That alone is a WIN!!

The owners have told me that they were not so certain at first that Ryan would have the longevity for the course.  However, they watched and monitored his progress.  They were pleasantly surprised!

Ryan learns quickly.  He advocates for himself, asking questions when he needs help.  He monitors himself; he knows when to work and when to talk.  He’s very comfortable in his environment.  He’s free to play his music quietly, and he gets along with others when they are present.  Best yet, the owners say that Ryan is a natural.  No one has every said that Ryan is a natural at anything.  No wonder he likes to share his work!

Ryan, who usually chooses not to talk–typical of autism, has taken the initiative to invite his grandparents into the building to see his work.  That shocked my dad.  His astonishment continued as Ryan continually talked and described his photos and images.

The photos here of a lamp were done after four lessons, as were the Yoda pictures shown on a previous blog entry.  These pictures are of the same object.  These images invoke very different moods.

I’m glad Ryan was willing, albeit with our insistence, to try this class.  He has gained much more than just knowledge. He is gaining a sense of himself, a sense of pride in his work and accomplishments.

God, Family, Work

Via my distant cousin/relative Nick Ball:

Our family is a classic one of hard working immigrants, who got the “American Dream” by putting God, family, work in that order. Then working everyday to make it happen………no one gave our family anything. Everything they got and passed to us, was not luck but hard work.

I wish every history and social studies book in America had that statement engraved in the front pages.  Life has no guarantees.  No handouts either.  Government entitlements can be given.  Or taken away.

I tell my sons with autism quite often that they can’t count on federal or state funded programs to be available forever.  Budget cuts, bad economies, political polls, etc can determine what becomes important and then switch within seconds.  My sons must be able to survive ultimately by their own devices.

So while it’s hard to see them struggle through life’s hardships, it is a necessary lesson.  Again, my cousin states the lesson well:  

Everyone wants to help their kids. I see no problem in this, but making it easy for them just makes them dependent on Mom & Dad or the government instead of themselves. No one likes to see their kids struggle. But it is in the struggle that the true character of what they learn from home comes into play and benefits them in the long run………..Doing too much for your kids handicaps them in life and since things come easy if given, the incentive to work hard is destroyed……why work? …there is always Mom and Dad or Uncle Sam!

This applies to all kids, so it’s that much harder for our kids with autism to face life, or as my son Nick (not to be confused with cousin Nick) puts it, he has to face the real world.

Thus, the priorities are set:  God, family, work.

How To Balance Fun and Work…

…especially with boys at home for Christmas vacation.

I found that the boys just wanted to play all day. Nothing wrong with that except I got to do all the clean up. That lasted a day. I was not a slave, and they could not afford me as a maid!

I called the four boys into the kitchen for a chat. (They called it a lecture.) I asked how would they feel if one of them didn’t get a chance to play. They agreed that would not be good. I asked how they would feel if one of them had to cook, dust, etc. all day. They agreed that would be not be fair.

I then pointed out that was exactly the situation, just the one not playing was MOM. I made sure that they had “down” time. They needed to reciprocate; Mom needed down time too. They needed to decide how that was going to happen.

Through an amazing conversation, an idea evolved. One suggested that I just get up and go, meaning leave to relax. Tempting. Another recommended I join in their fun. Intriguing. A third suggestion was to check with Mom to see if she needed help before they had fun. Thoughtful.

The result of the discussion is that they decided to establish a new rule: Mom must be having fun before they can have fun. I could not argue with that.

Over the course of the next few days, I was bombarded with, “MOM, ARE YOU HAVING FUN?” They yelled it from the stairs. They knocked on my bedroom door. They sought me out like never before.

They were willing to help me do chores, everything from laundry to cooking the next meal. The workload was shared. It was an awesome turnaround.

We now all have fun doing the work and playing. Tonight is Christmas Eve, and everything that needed to be prepared is done. Everyone helped, and we really had fun doing it together.

There has never been a better Christmas gift, except for the Christmas Babe Himself.