Autism and Interviews: Time Marches On!

Oceanside Beach, 2012

It’s been a week since Ryan’s interview for a scholarship.  We have not heard anything.  That doesn’t seem to bother Ryan.  I, however, want to know.

Alas, we’ve been busy doing other things.  Today, Ryan and I filled out required paperwork for his SSI application.  At least, we know that is in progress.  That is another story.  All this government bureaucracy is time consuming.  Tis a lesson in patience, and I’ve learned that the lessons in patience take the longest.

Sigh.

So I try to be patient.  Easiest way to do that is to picture the beach.  Sunset too.  Tis timeless.

Autism and Interviews: Mindful!

The application process was slow.  I picked up the application.  Ryan and I read through all the pages.  We found the requirements, and Ryan and I agreed what the required steps would be.  We agreed what he could do on his own, and what he might need help to accomplish.  We set deadlines.  The plan was set.

Until deadlines passed.

One of the first items we addressed was who to ask for letters of recommendation.  We needed three, and those three had to fulfill different requirements set in the application form.  We obtained the first one easily as that was a family friend.

The second was given to a teacher.  I put a post-it on it with our personal deadline–three days ahead of the application deadline.  Our lives were busy, and the initial day passed.  I asked Ryan if he received the letter of recommendation from his teacher.  Nope.  I reminded him to get it.  The next day he forgot.  I texted him the following day, and I emailed the teacher.  Ryan received it.  We had one day left.

Ryan had to write a page describing several aspects of himself.  Having autism, he wrote everything within four sentences.  Four hundred words were required.  Elaboration was needed.  Ryan knew what that meant.  His little brother sang a song when he was in second or third grade.  The words to that song:  elaboration means tell me more.  Ryan understood that.  How can he write more?  Why was it needed?  He has expressed himself concisely. He answered each question.

The first question he answered–he answered with:  I have autism.  That means I don’t like to talk with people.

Blunt.  Honest.  I wondered how that would go over to his reading audience.  Most papers probably described each applicant’s career plans and how each will conquer poverty and achieve world peace.  Not my son’s.  He just says he doesn’t want to talk with people.  Hmm.

Ryan wanted to be a writer, but he couldn’t elaborate about himself.  Oh yeah.  Lots of steps.  We worked on this like an English assignment.  We wrote out the who, why, where, when, what, and how questions.  We added prepositional phrases.  Then we wrote out clauses, and we expanded the ideas.  Talk about stretching.  Physically and mentally, it was a workout.

But we had it done, and we turned it in about two hours before the deadline.  Whew.

A few weeks later, we received a call, saying that he was a finalist.  He needed to schedule an interview.  YEA.  That brings us to his interview last Sunday.  And we await the results.

Ryan is hopeful.  So am I!

Autism and Interviews: Mindless Mess

A serious Ryan, after interview

So Ryan didn’t want to go to college, but he acknowledged that getting a job or writing to support himself was going to be difficult.

We opened the door to another thought.  No college.  What else could bring Ryan to his goal of independence?  A trade school?  An apprenticeship?  Again, Ryan had a perplexing issue to face.  Really, it was impossible.

Ryan has a difficult time relating to anything without a reference point.  To name an occupation, career, job, class, or anything is meaningless to Ryan.  Unless he is familiar with it.  So we spend hours trying to find examples for Ryan.  Research on the computer amounted to little success.

We kept coming back to classes.  Any class.  One class.  Just something that might spark an interest.  No degree or career in mind.  Just a class.

I took him online, and we visited a local college website.  I brought up writing classes.  Ryan narrowed the search to include online classes only.  I asked why.  He responded that he didn’t want to talk.  He wasn’t ready to talk.

New issue.  Well, not so new.  We know Ryan doesn’t like to talk with people.  However, HE expressed that he’s not ready for college.  That was a BIG step.

We found an online beginning writing class.  SUCCESS.

Then he was interested in the scholarship, and the deadline was a few weeks away.

Autism and Interviews: Mindblowing!

Ryan with a smirk, after interview
So what did we do to get Ryan to the scholarship interview?  Twas a long process just to get to this point.  Many, many steps.
First step was convincing Ryan to apply.  Ryan has expressed that he doesn’t want to go to college.  Ryan wants to write his book.  I am fine with him writing his book.  I really like the fact that he can write.  It is an outlet for him–to create and express himself.  For a teen with autism, any outlet for creativity and expression is awesome!
Back to college.  I really don’t care if Ryan goes to college.  I want him to have a productive, happy, full life, doing what he wishes to do.  Ryan wishes to be independent.  How is that going to happen?  How is HE going to make it happen?  In Ryan’s words, “I’m not sure.”
Two years ago, Mike and I started to encourage Ryan to think about potential careers.  After months, we concluded that was too big a step.  We then narrowed the thought to jobs.  What type of job would Ryan want to do?  That still was too foreign to Ryan.  We fine-tuned our focus to classes.  What classes would Ryan enjoy?
None of these worked, ultimately.
We changed the approach.  We told Ryan he could not stay at our house and “be independent”.  We asked Ryan to define what independent meant to him.  Eventually, he said, “Do everything on my own.”  Steps.  We then wrote down what he meant by everything.  Finally, we hit money.  He wants to be financially free from us.  How?  He wants to write. 
Could he support himself with writing?  How much money would he need?  We required him to write a budget, which needed to include rent, utilities, and food.  Then there was transportation, entertainment, clothes, haircuts, etc.  Ryan realized he would need a lot of money, more specifically, a steady income.
More steps.
We then expanded a little.  Would writing produce that income?  How many professional writers lived entirely on their income from their written works?  Ryan could name one.  After research, he found that she didn’t live on her writings until she produced a book about a kid named Harry Potter.  That took a few years for her to acquire that income.
More steps to follow.

Autism and Interviews: Mindboggling!


Ryan with new shades–after the interview

Ryan had an interview today for a college scholarship.  He dressed up and arrived well before his appointed time.  Since the person scheduled before him didn’t show up, Ryan went early.  I think that was a blessing.  Less time to get nervous.
I prayed Ryan would talk.  Nothing like being in an interview when the applicant won’t talk!  My imagination cringed.  What was happening in there?  I worried about stupid questions that weren’t questions, like, “Tell us about yourself.”  Ryan can answer questions with no problem, but talk about generalities or relay a bunch of information?  Not so much.
Since I drove Ryan to the interview, I waited on a bench not too far away.  I tried to distract myself by reading.  I read a page.  Then reread it.  On the third go-round, Ryan plopped next to me.  Maybe ten minutes had passed.
I asked if it was done.  He replied casually, “Yep.”  I didn’t want to make too big a deal of this, but I was so curious.  Keeping in mind that this was probably mentally exhausting for Ryan, I asked one more question, “Did you talk?”  His response, “Yep.”
Now we wait for the results.

Happy Easter

 The end of Holy Week culminates on Easter Sunday.  We celebrate the Risen Christ.  Lots of prayer.  Lots of forgiveness.  Lots of patience.

After Mass, we spent the morning at home, nothing doing but relaxing.  Mike spend time with the boys.  Then we went to my parents’ home.  We spent the afternoon with family.  Saw extended family too.  Two new baby boys, my grand nephews.  My sons, particularly Ryan, enjoyed the babies.  The boys wasted no time finding the table full of foods too.

It is really enjoyable going to family events, celebrating holidays, birthdays, etc.  It’s taken many years to get to this point.  Everyone knows the dietary restrictions of the boys.  My boys don’t have major sensory issues that require close supervision.

We all go through major transformations.  Whether it’s spiritual, mental, emotional, we grow.  I hope change brings us all to be more compassionate to each other.

Prayer, forgiveness, and patience describe a lot of my time, past and present, dealing with autism and related issues.   Today brings to focus what really matters, the reality of our lives, and our purpose on Earth.

God bless!  Happy Easter! 

Two Run Double

Cam in the official uniform on opening day

Cameron walks up to bat.

Bases are loaded.

Quickly, he faces the pitcher, with full count.  Ball is pitched.  He swings.  SMACK.  That ball flies.  Flies to outfield.  His fellow teammates run.  One scores.  The crowd cheers.  Then the next crosses home plate. The crowd roars. The outfielder finally throws the ball to the infield.  Cameron makes it to second base.  He is psyched.  Big smile on his face.

Tis the highlight of his day!

No one would ever guess this was a kid who loved to beat his head against the tile floor or cement ground.  It is so nice to hear the sound of the baseball making contact with a bat instead of Cam’s head against the ground.

Cam and teammates–practice game

Cameron’s team won. 7-2.  Celebration forthcoming!

In A Hurry To Go Nowhere


Working full time leaves little time for errands and tasks.  My weekdays are filled with the “job”, piano lessons, dinner, homework, and sleep.  Saturdays have become the” hurry to wait” day.  I have so much to do, and only Saturday to complete them.  I don’t like waiting in line, but that is the reality:  hurry to wait at the gas pump, the bank, grocery stores, etc.
People ask me what is wrong with doing something on Sunday.  Well, I need down time, and if the Good Lord determined that we needed a day of rest, who am I to argue?  (and I’m too tired to!)
So Saturday is the day to tend to household chores, cooking for the week, and running all those errands.  Last Saturday I woke up at 6 a.m.  No, I am not crazy.  After getting up at 6 a.m. all week, I didn’t need an alarm.  However, I didn’t get up for a few hours.
Up at 8am, I started grinding wheat.  Made sourdough.  Used up old sourdough to make pizza.  WIN.  The boys love pizza for lunch.  Pulled out meats to defrost.  Made small grocery list.  Went to one store.  Realized I forgot checks to cash at bank.  Went home.  Grabbed boys.  Went to next store.  Got gas.  Realized I forgot checks again.  Went home.  Went to farm.  Stopped at bank to get cash out of ATM—because I forgot the checks. Again.  Farm only takes cash.  Wait in traffic.  Construction on roads.  Wait.  Wait.
Then I arrived home.  Make dinner.  No, make 5 dinners.  With boys’ help.  Each of them is responsible for making dinner.  We freeze food.
That’s part of Saturday’s agenda.  I’ve left out a ton.  Can’t even remember the last half.  Except sleep.

Joining The Workforce–Again

Yep.  I am working full time again.  Life with autism isn’t cheap.  Therapies, foods, doctors, supplements, etc. are expensive.  Insurance doesn’t cover a lot of what we do.  However, the boys have thrived best with what insurance doesn’t pay.  Figure that one!

SO the saving account is depleted.  The credit card balances are climbing.  A financial adviser would think that we are insane.  Nonetheless, Mike and I agreed long ago that we’d do whatever we could for our boys–to help them learn to be independent.  Money would not be an object.  Our boys are priceless!

The most expensive  item we ever purchased for the boys was the pool.  The doctors and therapists all agreed that a pool would be the best therapy for the boys.  We were not disappointed.  The boys learned to swim.  They played and socialized. They received their physical therapy in the pool for a few years. Now they hang out in the pool.

Getting back to work–I’ve been working at the same place for about six years.  It is seasonal, temporary, full time work. It’s good to exercise my brain. I work on projects.  This current project is scheduled for five weeks.  I have worked here long enough to make friends.  The “regulars” are like a family.  Of course, as in all work places, some people are more important than others.  It is good to connect with these people.

Last year I had the opportunity to work from home.  It was great.  It was bad.  I loved being able to work at my leisure.  I actually took off to the beach last year, and I was able to work at coffee house, at the beach, or at any quiet place I chose.  The bad part was having to discipline myself to follow a work schedule–even if it was the schedule that I set.
 
After this project, I’ll be able to pay off a credit card.  That is the upside.  The downside is life is more chaotic, but that is good for the boys.  They are learning to do things on their own.  I am always surprised as to what they have done.  Or not done.  I am not saying the surprise is always good, but yes, I am always “surprised”.  HAHAHA  A good, no– a great sense of humor helps in this realm.

Yes, I do look forward to payday!

Autism and Religious Events

Grandpa as sponsor, Nick, Bishop Kicanas

Today Nicholas was confirmed.  In the Catholic faith, Nick is now a full member of the church.  Of course, that is oversimplified.  The point is that Nick understands some wonderful abstract thoughts.  He understands the important elements in life are not material.  Not black and white.

Happiness. Joy.  Love.  Prayer.  He gets these realities.

Many people advised me not to waste my time teaching my boys with autism about religion.  There were too many abstract ideas, and kiddos with autism will never, never get it.  In fact, it will only cause frustration and confusion for everyone involved.

Well, that is not true.  I won’t go into how involved my boys are in their faith.  Not yet.  I’m not even sure I can describe that, as that aspect is a very personal, subjective observation.

What I do want to promote is that teen boys with autism can and do have a relationship with God.  Out of all my boys, Nick has demonstrated the most perseverance in his spiritual life.  Do know that Nick is not a  “yes man”.  Nick has no problem expressing NO.  Nick can express if he doesn’t want to participate in something.

So today is a day to celebrate.  This is a huge milestone in Nick’s life.  It is a “headline” in the history of Nick’s world, as the bishop indicated in his homily.  Today’s event is a culmination of Nick’s dedication and perseverence to his spiritual life.

This shows that the “experts” don’t know it all.  This is a great example of such potential in these teens with autism.

Moral of the story:  Never underestimate the potential of the human spirit!