teens with autism – Page 2

Building More Than a Table

Five boys rough housing over the last twenty some years has taken a toll on the furniture. Consequently, we have ditched quite a bit of it. Replacement has been a great opportunity for the boys to work together.

Cameron is very mechanically minded, and he loves to figure out how to assemble things without looking at the directions. Sometimes, that can be a disaster. However, Cam possesses a great skill because, quite often, the directions lack clarity. This was the case for the coffee table. Cameron informed me the directions were useless; there were just a bunch of two dimensional pictures that were not well drawn.

Together, Nick and Cameron built the table, but with some complications. Nick managed to strip a screw. Not a huge deal, but Nick was not thrilled that it was not right. Cameron guided Nick, and Nick mastered it. Despite autism, Nick is adapting.

What a win: Cameron is learning teaching skills and patience, and Nick is learning how to build things. They are refining communication skills too.

Now, we have a new table, just in time for the Superbowl Game today. I hope this table will survive the three remaining boys and their jousting!

Nick Earns an A, After Supposedly Failing

At the start of each school year/semester, I send an email to my sons’ teachers, advising them that my sons are on IEPs due to autism. I highlight how my sons learn. I also give indicators to observe if my sons understand the lessons and concepts. Too often, the teachers, especially the teachers of the mainstream classes, do not get any information until the second or third week of the semester that my sons have autism–which is too late.

I received the following email five days into last semester regarding my son’s Spanish II class:

Good Morning Mrs. Johnson!

I wanted to introduce myself. I am Ms. C. and will be Nicks case manager this year. Thank you for the detailed information about Nick. …he is failing Spanish 2. Has he mentioned anything to you about this? I am not sure if he even knows. Ms. S just walked in and was wondering if you would be opposed to changing his grading to Pass/Fail or would you like to find a different elective for him to be placed in? I am sorry to bombard you with this, however, I am glad we have found it early in the semester where we still have options.

I was mystified. How can my son be failing before a test had been given or an assignment graded? The more I thought about this, the more dumbfounded I became. What did this case manager base this decision on? My son had As and Bs in his Spanish I class, and that teacher had figured out how to accommodate Nick’s autism. Not only did Nick survive Spanish I, he enjoyed it.

How many autistic kids, who barely communicate in their native tongue, take on and succeed in a foreign language? Well, my sons have never fit any statistic. I’ve raised them to think that they can do whatever they want. They may have to work harder than others, but they can succeed!

So why is this case manager claiming that my son is failing on the fifth day of the semester?

In short, I’ve seen it all before. People underestimate my sons with autism. My boys do have a disability, but they are not stupid. They may not be able to communicate as well as others, but they can relay information. They can tell you what they know, just not necessarily in the format wanted.

If this special ed teacher had taken the time to research Nick, she would have found his transcripts show a student with a 3.5 GPA. She would have seen he has taken some special ed classes and many mainstreamed classes, including a college math class. Despite autism, this kid pulls awesome grades, illustrating mastery of concepts. At the end of the semester, Nick earned an A- in his Spanish II class–a far cry from failing.

Nothing infuriates me more than someone who “thinks” he might know my sons, based on textbook studies of autism. In this case, a special ed teacher made a judgment regarding my son, Nick. I sent an email inquiring how she concluded Nick was failing. I never received a response.

This is what I do most days–ensuring that my kids get what they need to succeed in their dreams. I don’t do the work for my sons, but I make sure that no one stands in their way.

I have spent many hours getting my boys through the school system. Now they face adulthood, and the work is just beginning–for all of us.

Autistic Sons Admire Sunset

Being a mom of special needs kids taxes mental and physical energy. I can get caught up in tons of paperwork and appointments. There is always something waiting to be tackled! Interruptions don’t help. Doorbells, phones, and texts are among the common agitators. Even the kids’ yelling, “MOM,” can grate on the nerves. That “Mom” quickly shifts from “Mom?” to “Mom!!”

I cringe. “Just let me finish this,” I yell.

As a result, I can miss some great moments. This last time, the call of “Mom” was to see a beautiful sunset. If I had persisted in finishing my task, I would have missed it. I was amazed at how fast it changed within seconds. By the time I got the closest camera out, the colors had moved far away within those moments.

This was not an emergency, but it was important. I am glad my boys demanded my attention, and I came. We shared a few moments of an awesome, stunning sunset.

This also illustrates that kids with autism can appreciate the beauty of nature. Many assume that autistic people lack the cognitive ability to appreciate nature or items that are beyond their touch. That is simply untrue. Actually, it may be we who are caught up in the paperwork who don’t have the cognitive ability to stop and appreciate nature!!

In this case, my autistic sons stopped to admire the sunset. THEY believed it was important enough to call me. This just reinforces we don’t always know what autistic kids can do!

Nice Shootin’ Tex

Cameron texted on Saturday that he wants “to be shooting at marksmanship more” because he beat the marksmanship captains and broke the pistol record. He surprised me that he had beaten more experienced shooters. He later told me that the funny thing was, for the M4 sim, he was shooting lefty so he could see. He did “surprisingly good”.

Cameron is right handed, so that is why I was also surprised at his results. I wonder how well he would have done if he had shot with his right hand, wearing his glasses. He replied that his glasses probably have a lot of dust on them. I wonder if he even knows where those glasses are. Maybe this will be an incentive for him to wear his glasses!

His final update read, “My M9 high score, which is THE high score, was 189, and the M4 high score was 69.”

“Wow,” was my reply, even though I don’t know what an M9 or an M4 are. I assume a rifle and pistol. Here, I am worried about my son getting the proper education to use the firearms. The irony is I also need to get educated as to what he’s shooting!

Congratulations, Cameron

Although the new school year has started, it’s never too late to celebrate achievements. We hosted a graduation party for Cameron back in May, as he graduated from eighth grade. Sadly, the local school district cancelled any formal ceremony due to budget cuts. Nonetheless, we commemorated the moment, complete with mock diploma and hat. Cameron was a good sport. He certainly appreciated the attention too!

These milestones may seem like normal steps for most people. For a mom of teens with autism, these occasions are victories of unseen battles. Years ago, I would never have believed my youngest would be at this level of cognition and ability.

As we gathered to congratulate Cameron, I wanted to acknowledge that this moment was not just due to his ability. Many shared in it. I took a few moments to take all present at the party back to 13 years prior. I reminded everyone that Cameron has major setbacks as a toddler. He lost his speech and movement. He had to relearn how to walk and talk. He became self abusive, banging his head incessantly. Many therapists and family members helped Cameron to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I never want Cameron to take for granted that these moments of success are only a result of his effort. While he earns most of the credit, he can’t forget those earlier moments. In fact, he can show how someone can overcome/recover from autism.

Now he moved onto high school. There’s always a new step or goal, much like his life has been with autism. Once a goal is achieved, it is quickly replaced by a new goal. Such is life. The difference now is he can pick what his goals are, not us parents. His class load at the high school is tough. His counselors didn’t recommend the load, but they don’t know Cameron very well. When he WANTS to do something, he will do it. It may take several tries, but he’ll figure it out.

So onto the next step, Cameron goes!

Serious Fun

Nick and Cam are characters. Studious, serious, and conniving at times. They joke and jest. Quite often, they can be unpredictable, such as when they were on their own this last weekend.

They survived the four days with no mishaps. They even found a place that sold gluten-free pizza. That was important enough that they texted me. Good choices. Yea.

I was quite surprised to see this photo taken at the beach. I don’t think I would have recognized them. I guess this is called serious fun.

Nick and Cam On Their Own

Nicholas and Cameron are on their own this weekend. This is the first time that they will be away from us parents for four days. They are travelling with their youth group, heading towards the coast.

They are excited about their adventure. Being on their own–freedom. Right? With that freedom comes responsibility. Will they eat the gluten free foods? Will they follow directions? I hope they’ll look out for each other.

I am both excited and anxious. Problems could arise, and I won’t be there to help. They have to figure things out. Of course, if an emergency arises, they can call. I prepared them about situations that could happen and how to handle them, but how do we really know what can happen and how they’ll react?

I worry, but we all need to know how they do on their own. The only way to know is to let them go.

In the Spirit of the Second Amendment: Learning to Shoot

Guns. Controversial to say the least. A person either loves them or hates them. In our house, we chose to educate our kids about them. With autism or not, my boys are typical, and they like to shoot guns.

I grew up around guns, and I learned at an early age to respect them. My dad taught me what damage can be done. Empty soda cans were my usual target. Different bullets left different holes.

I was about ten when I shoot my first live target. After it fell from the sky, my dad and I searched the grounds until we found it. “It” was a beautiful bird, with deep blue and green feathers. It’s head was barely intact. Talk about my euphoria quickly dampened by reality. We took home what we shot. Dinner.

Nowadays, too many times, an accident is reported on the news about a kid shooting a sibling or a friend out of curiosity or play. I don’t want my kids to be one of those statistics. I don’t want my kids to fear guns either. The only solution is to teach them.

With proper gear and training, my boys shoot. Grandpa takes them to the local shooting range. Their accuracy improves with each visit. Onlookers are usually surprised when they find out that the boys have autism. Some are even quite impressed when looking at the paper targets.

Yes, my boys had to overcome sensory issues and master fine/gross motor skills in order to be able to shoot. Years of occupational and physical therapy. We take nothing for granted. Of course, our boys’ safety comes first.

Mamas On The Run

My mom and me

My mom and I have escaped to her hometown in Michigan. I was pregnant with Nicholas when I last visited my relatives, 18 years ago.

When I was growing up, my family and I visited Michigan every other year, on average. Our vacations always included visiting cousins, grandparents, and extended family. We usually drove throughout the country and stayed with family members. It was rare to stay at a hotel. The best parts of our vacations were not the activities or sight-seeing tours. The best parts were being around family, or doing those sight-seeing excursions with family.

I wanted to continue these outings with my own family. Unfortunately, travelling with kids with autism is difficult as their schedules are interrupted. Staying with extended family is tough because the relatives don’t quite understand what can trigger a meltdown or tantrum. Relatives are not usually aware of sensory issues or lack of communication skills my boys have.

In the last couple of years, we have started to travel with our boys. They have learned to adapt well. I have include them in planning, so they will know what to expect. They usually look forward to the adventures.

This trip is without the kids. Unlike most vacations, this trip has a purpose: to see my Godparents, who are my mom’s brother and sister-in-law. Too many years have sped by, and we are all much older. Most of our time is spend sitting and chatting, catching up. Not the type of activity that my boys could endure for long. So, it’s just my mom and me.

photo credit: Michelle Nicolai-Hoffmeyer

Champions: Everyone Loves A Winner

Cameron

Cameron’s baseball team won the championship 24-9. That may sound as if Cam’s team had an easy win. No such luck. They worked hard and earned every run. The game lasted 3 1/2 hours. The boys played their hearts out. Stamina, endurance, patience. All paid off. It was in the last two innings that Cam’s team brought the win home. The other team seemed to burn out.

Their opponents were worthy. The score in the game was actually very close for most of the game. The lead switched a few times, pending who was up to bat. Suspense loomed. No win was predictable. We were ahead. We were behind. Parents stood, clapped, and cheered. Then sat in disbelief and shock. Up and down. We got our exercise!!

Some of the umpires’ calls were debatable too. That became a series of lessons of good sportsmanship. Even Cam’s run over home plate was a point of discouragement. We ALL plainly saw Cameron touched home plate seconds before the ball came within reach of the catcher’s glove. The ump saw it differently. Ouch.

The beginning of the season brought together a bunch of kids. The team had one practice and then three scrimmage games. This was a different league than Cam’s league of last year. The kids were a bit older and experienced. Poor Cameron had only one year of baseball under his belt. He was determined to be a good as the rest.

This was a kid who had to relearn how to walk and talk at 13 months. Cameron suffered a major set-back after the MMR shot. He lost physical coordination, let alone communication. I was very impressed that he persevered in this sport!

If the first few games were indicative of the season’s outcome, Cameron’s team should have been at the bottom. They tied and lost. And lost badly. Throughout the weeks, they slowly improved. Enough to put runs on the score board. Enough to eek out wins. Eventually enough to blow the other teams away.

I love what competition has taught Cameron. Life is tough. Not everyone gets a trophy. Wins are earned through slow progress. Spontaneous gratification is not a given. Although we love the wins, they are not everything. How the game is played is vital. Teamwork is as important as individual effort. Keeping one’s principles in tact is just as valuable as that win!!

Go, Cam!!