Parents Are Experts Of Their Children

We all need to hear positive encouragement, no matter what stage in life we are with our kiddos. Home schooling presents, in particular, need to share encouragement. There are stories of successes and failures, just like any other educational system. Unfortunately, people make judgments without being fully informed. If we parents make the decision to home school, we really need to know why so we can withstand the criticisms of others.  However, this idea is good for any parent, not just home schoolers.

My husband and I home schooled for 12 years. We started with my then 14 year old going into high school. Then we included our next son for junior high and our fourth son, homeschooling part time in elementary school and junior high. We have two boys with autism. I’ve experienced home schooling and regular schooling, and I’ve heard from principals, psychologists, counselors, teachers, and other parents. I’ve heard both good and bad about home schooling.

The first lesson I learned by being a parent of any kid, let alone a special needs kid, is that I, the parent, am the expert of my child. No teacher, no psychologist, no doctor, no therapist, nobody else knows my son better than me. I am the person he will seek help, advice, and consolation. I recognize when my son needs to be redirected, pushed, enlightened, and encouraged. I also know when he needs a break or recognition. These just a name a few examples of such personal knowledge of my child.

I pass this concept to other parents: You are the expert of your child. You don’t need a degree of any sort to hold this title. This is a reality. You are privileged AND are responsible to hold this position with authority and love. It is God-given. And expected. Many outside your home (or even inside your home) may challenge you on several levels, so it is critical that you KNOW that you matter a great deal, as the expert of your child. I even had to say this to a “disability professional” who was trying to tell my child what he could do and couldn’t do. I had to step in and say, “You may be ‘THE disability professional’, but I am the EXPERT of my son. We need to find out IF he can to this or not. We need to see what he can do. Don’t assume.” That person did not like it, but she could not refute what I said.

We, as mothers, spend more time with our kids than anyone else. We know what they are ready to learn, and we can change the course, if necessary. So please have faith in yourselves. Pray too. Motherhood is underrated in our society, but not in God’s eyes. As parents, we are the primary educators in our childrens’ lives. We can’t be deterred by someone’s opinion.

Messages with Love

This morning I promise myself to be patient and loving. I will not yell.  I want a peaceful home. I will not yell.  Two minutes pass, and chaos surrounds me.  Kids want this, and husband needs that. I just smile. 
I am armed with ammunition of love.  When faced with challenges of lost shoes or siblings arguing, I say nothing.  Instead, I give a heart.  Shooting a heart may be more appropriate in a house of boys, but there are enough projectiles flying around.  On the heart is the message, whatever the message needs to be.  The recipient reads it, thanks me kindly for the reminder, and we both move on.  Tranquility…

Reality is different.  If I give my kids candy hearts, they’d be on a sugar high.  They’d also learn quickly to misbehave so they could get candy.  However, this idea of candy hearts may not be all bad for me.  It’d remind me to speak with love, to ensure whatever I say is spoken to encourage or teach.  It could remind me to address just that issue and not drone on.  Too often, I yell at those I love dearly.  I react instantly instead of taking a moment to think.  A message on a heart from me reminds me to speak from the heart—with love and make that my reality.

Snooze or Do

Every morning, I wake up with two choices:  go back to “snooze” or get up to “do”.  Lately, I’ve been getting up earlier than usual.  Understand that I am not a morning person.  It is much easier for me to stay up until 3 am than to get up at 3 am.  However, those early moments of precious silence are critical for my own peace of mind. I can pay a few bills or plan dinner.  I can pray or exercise. I accomplish something before the gang gets up.

Getting up earlier than necessary is crazy to some, but every so often, that may be the only time moms get to be by themselves.  It is worth assessing if that might be helpful.  Of course, it does not have to happen daily, but once in a while, it can actually be a well deserved treat.

Anniversaries–When Autism Joined Our Family

Eleven years ago we stole away for ten days.  It was the first such trip since the boys were diagnosed with autism.  Mike’s mom came down to take care of the boys.  We had no idea how they would react when they realized we were going to be gone for so long.
At that time, we actually didn’t know Ryan and Cameron were autistic.  Only Nick had been diagnosed.  Ryan and Cameron would be diagnosed within a couple of months.  Had we waited to go, I don’t think we would have left after hearing the diagnosis of all three.
Thank God for grandmas.  It was a much needed break to refocus on us.  Mike’s mom reassured us that all will be well.  Our kids loved her, so we had no doubts.
Well, we did.  We bought cell phones–our first cell phones before we left.  Leaving our kids for the first time for that duration was scary.  We bought cell phones for that “just in case” emergency.  No one ever called for an emergency.
We had a wonderful time celebrating our 13 years.

Today We Reached 24 Years

Sheryl & Mike:  24th Anniversary

Mike and I have spent over half of our lives together, and we still like each other.  Of course, we still love each other too, but being friends coincides with being spouses.  I am amazed that 24 years have flown by.  It’s good to stop and celebrate these occasions!

People have been asking me how many years have we been married, and I reply, “Twenty-four.”  They usually say, “Ahhh.  Then next year is the big year.  Do you have any plans?”

I am blown away. What is wrong with celebrating the 24th Anniversary?  Yes, 25 is big, but we’re not there yet.  Why not focus on the year we had?
We’ve had a few major milestones:  Ryan graduation from high school.  Nick and Mike went to Hawaii.  Ryan and Nick earned their driving permits.  They also had their first jobs.  Among others.  Yes, this list is really about the boys, but that is reflective of our marriage:  family.

Happy 24th Anniversary Eve

Mike & Sheryl 2004

Tonight we spent on our own–a quiet afternoon/evening together.  The boys are with their biggest brother working on the backyard, which yields time for Mike and me.  We had a simple, quiet dinner.  Nothing fancy.  We were happy just spending time together.

It’s nice to know that we don’t need any hyped-up activity to keep us entertained. With young adults with autism, life is exciting enough.  They keep us going as we never know what they’ll will do, or what bureaucratic mess might be thrown at us.

I smile as I write that because autism is a world of its own.  One I could do without, but it is a part of our lives together.  Together, we meet it, head-on.  But it’s only a part of our lives.  We keep that perspective.  It does not define us.  We are much more.  We have to be to keep going!  

Happy Thanksgiving

I am grateful for many things this year.  My boys are surpassing many goals.  Opportunities are opening for them.  I appreciate my family, for supporting the boys’ endeavors in sports, music, school, etc.  I am especially thankful for friends who have asked about my upcoming surgery, so that they can pray for me.

So with the family gathered, food shared, and football games watched today, I realize how many blessing I have received this year.  Truly a Happy Thanksgiving.  I wish my extended family and friends the same–Happy Thanksgiving.

Realizing My Boys Have Conquered Their Sensory Issues

Yesterday Cameron and I cleaned out the “sensory section” in our pantry.  I purchased these items years ago when my boys had several sensory issues. I put everything on my kitchen counter.  To my shock, the entire counter was covered with various things:  feathers, pipe cleaners, clothes pins, felt cloth, yarn, beads, corks, wood, and many other things.  I probably could have opened a small craft store!

As I looked at each object, I remembered why I purchased it.  Most items had different textures.  Some items helped build dexterity and strength.  Others helped with fine motor coordination.  My memories were bittersweet, going back at least ten years…

Although my youngest three have autism, all four of my younger boys had sensory issues. Their issues varied:

Stuart couldn’t stand the feel of grass under his feet.  When we went for a walk, he shrieked when sprinkler systems went on.  We’d have to cross the street to avoid the sprinklers.

Ryan hated to be hugged; he didn’t like to be touched at all.  He refused to wear jeans because the material was too rough.  Sounds were painful.

Nicholas couldn’t tolerate anything on his arms, legs, and feet.  When the weather was cold, getting him to wear appropriate long pants, long sleeve shirts, and shoes were next to impossible.  Light bothered him as well.

Cameron loved to bang his head against a concrete or tile floor.  Bang, bang, bang…

None of them liked dirt or shaving cream on their hands.  Sand was a no-go, making a trip to the park or beach futile.

I remembered the physical therapists and occupational therapists used these items in front of me to help my boys, quite often with no or minimal success.  We tried week after week.  Slowly my boys got used to some textures.  Others took years.  So I put them away.

Until yesterday.

Now my boys are too old for these things, and they have no interest.  They also don’t need them.  THAT IS A HAPPY THOUGHT.  The sad thought is that I missed out so many other things; things that I hoped to make with them.  Oh well.

Although these items represented a small fortune, I didn’t regret spending the money.  Everything contributed in a small way to their current status of today.  Today my boys can go anywhere with peers, and function quite well.

So Cameron and I gave all of these items to a nearby family.  It was good to see the smiles are the youngsters’ faces.  They saw all the potential projects they could make.  Life is good!