Beach: Solace and Peace

Why the beach?  Well, it holds happy memories for me.  I grew up within a few miles from the beach.  Being fair skinned, I never went to the beach to get a tan.  I went for specific reasons or occasions, ie a family reunion, hotdog/marsh mellow roast, or a jog along the coast.

Besides happy memories, the beach is the only place I know that encompasses all the senses:  hearing the waves, feeling the sand, tasting the water, seeing the sunset, and smelling the ocean air.  At first the beach is a place of solace, offering alleviation from stress and strain.  Stay long enough, the beach becomes a place of peace, transforming strife to serenity.

I also find my Creator here.  Although the beach is never silent, the natural sounds and beauty enable me to still my mind.  I find myself in awe of nature, its creation, always leading me to its Creator.

That is where the real journey begins.

Happy Marriage

The first item I need to address is our marriage.  When I have talked about being away from home, most people have jumped to the conclusion that my marriage is in trouble.  Or over.  Neither is the case.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.

We have a happy marriage. I gain strength from my husband.  He is one of the most patient and selfless men I know.  He says that I don’t drive him crazy.  That is a wonder in itself.  Probably a miracle.  I drive myself crazy at times.  How can I NOT drive him crazy?  Yet I believe him.  He is a man of great integrity.

Mike has told me a few times that marriage is about acceptance.  He accepts me.  He knows I’ll try my best.  My best may be short-lived.  Quite often, it is, but he doesn’t need to know exactly how often!

I admire my husband.  He truly amazes me, even after 21 years of marriage.  Next month it will be 22 years.  Not many couples have endured autism, but then again, I am sure there are couples who have endured more than we have.

This isn’t about the thresh-hold of our marriage.  It is that we are married.  We are committed to each other.  We love each other.  We trust each other.  That particular vow of “for better or worse”… resonates. 

It’s like St Paul says in chapter 14 of his letter to the Corinthians, love is patient; love is kind, et al.

St Paul describes my husband.

Mom-cations: A Medical Necessity

Mike with 2 yr Andrew and 2 day Matt

I am at the beach.  Again.  For the last year I have been taking time out from the hectic life of being a mom.  A mom of special needs kids.  A self-employed mom.  A former-home schooling mom.  An active participant in the school mom.  Not to mention all the entities of just being a mom.

It’s been a tough three years actually.  Tougher than some of the other years.  I think it has been the culmination of years of dealing with autism.  A few close friends thought that I might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, they concurred that I needed a break.

So break I did.  The boys were older, and my husband encouraged me to go for a few days.

What transpired amazed me.  When I was gone, I wanted to do something that I never did at home.  So I took photographs to put in a scrapbook.  The above photo made me laugh and cry.  It was life before autism.  All the hope and joy of having babies are captured in my husband’s smile.

As I arranged these photos, I reminisced.  It was therapeutic.  I was quite happy creating a book and remembering those sweet moments of my sons’ young lives.  The few days spent away from my family gave me time to breath from the daily grind.  It also gave me a positive outlet.

I return a bit happier and rested, but the boys don’t give any quarter in their game of life.  Game face on.

Cameron Turns Twelve

It’s been a week since we signed off all special education services for Cam.  When we told him that he would no longer receive services, he smiled and insisted on a “high five”.  Later in the week we went hiking.  He couldn’t resist climbing on a rock “not too far from the trail”.  He struck the pose that just summarizes his spirit:  I can do anything!

He is a spunky character.  That has recently been our challenge, and I can see that he will continually push the boundaries.  I never wish to break his spirit, but boy, his spirit definitely needs to be channelled.

He is a curious creature, and temptation can lead him into trouble.  Being the youngest of five brothers, he tries to keep up with them, and that isn’t always a good thing.  Making choices without some much needed maturity does lead him astray, so teaching him is always a constant.  Absolutely no rest on my part.

Today Cam is 12.  So I look forward to another year of surprises and growth from our youngest.  I never thought I’d see the day when Zach is full of life, free from autism.

Happy Birthday, Cameron!

Can Autism Be Cured? Seems So!!!!

Today Mike and I signed papers that totally released Cam, our youngest son, from all services at school.  That means NO MORE IEPs for Cam.  We gave permission for his speech pathologist to test Cam.  The results indicated that he is well within the range of typical kids.  Some areas he was above normal, at normal, and below normal.

Time to celebrate!!!

I take this to mean that Cameron is NT:  neuro-typical.

I am not sure what normal is anymore, so this will be a new experience for me.   After having so many special needs to deal with for so many years, I now need to educate myself as to what is normal.  For a pre-teen boy.  Cam turns 12 in a few weeks.

It has been a long haul for Cam.  He was born a very normal boy who met all of his milestones on time or early, as did his brothers.  After receiving many shots in his first year of life, things seemed ok.  Until the MMR shot.  We separated that shot out from the other shots given to Cam at 12 months–just to be safe.  Of course, the doctor laughed at me and said that there was absolutely no correlation of shots to autism; absolutely no scientific proof.  Well, I think Cam proves a much different thought process.  At 13 months, when Cam seem to have taken the other 3 shots in stride, I took him back to the doctor for the MMR shot.

Mistake.

Within 48 hours my healthy, walking-talking son became a blob.  Take any inanimate object, and that has the same activity as my son.  Cam didn’t make sounds.  He didn’t move.  He didn’t respond to his name.

Heartbreaking.

It took him 3 weeks to start babbling again.  He started to move and roll after 3 months.  He had to relearn how to sit, crawl, walk, and talk.  Thank God we had started sign language when he was about 7 months.  He could communicate a bit with sign still.

At 18 months Cam became self-abusive.  He banged his head on walls and floors.  Tile and concrete were the best.  Bang. Bang.  Bang.  Mike and I occasionally discussed who would go to jail if Cam were diagnosed with shaken baby syndrome.  Who would ever believe us about this child who loved to bang his head constantly?  We put on a bike helmet on Cam’s head for some protection.

At 2 Cameron was diagnosed with autism.  More heartbreak.  Grieving…  Cam was our most severe son with autism.  Fast forward ten years of therapies, research, protocols, and doctors.  Many tears have been shed.  Many sad tears.  However, today they are happy tears.  Tears of happiness and celebration.

Autism CAN be beat!

Working Full time with Autism: NOT

For the last three weeks, I have been working full time. It’s a writing project. I enjoy writing, so I thought this would be a good mix with family life. It has been a wonderful, novel time. I’m getting out of the house, and my brain is challenged in ways that do not include autism. VERY NOVEL IDEA. This is a time for just me. Again, what a new idea!

However, there is no separating my boys from me. I miss them.

More importantly, they need me. Although the boys can be left alone for hours, the preparation for school, ie homework, dinner, etc really does require a parent.

More than just the boys, school requires attention. School administrators, teachers, counselors, etc. don’t necessarily follow up, unless a phone call or email prompts the need. Usually, they respond quite readily. Phone calls really work better than emails. Better yet is a personal visit. I can’t manage that while working.

Although I have enjoyed meeting new people and doing new tasks, I’ve already given notice. The role of motherhood always comes first.

Can I Ask For Forgiveness: Part II

To review what recently happened,  Nicholas started a conversation with a very awkward set of phrases or questions. He referred to an example, a download, and forgiveness. None of it made any sense, at least at that point. I waited a week to see if Nick would initiate the conversation again. Alas, it didn’t happen.

So I took the lead.

Nick joined me for a three mile walk. We chatted about a few things, mostly about the weather or things we saw. I finally asked him, “Remember you asked for forgiveness?” He responded with a nod. I continued, “What was that about?” He smiled. That confirmed that he did indeed remember.

“Mom,” he said, “Remember I went to laser tag with Casey. We got hungry.” Nick stopped talking like that was all he needed to say.

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Why did you need forgiveness?” I inquired.

Nick smiled again. Whatever it was, I don’t think he was really sorry.

Nick replied, “Casey ordered pizza.” Again, Nick stopped liked that answered my curiosity. It didn’t.

“And?”

Nick had a sheepish smile on his face. “I had a piece.”

Oh! Nick is gluten free, and this was the culprit.

The conversation continued to reveal bits and pieces. The end result was that Nick had ordered a pizza too, not just had a piece of Casey’s pizza. I explained to Nick that sharing the pizza was very understandable. Teenage boys having pizza. Sounds like heaven on earth for teenagers. However, Nick knew he wasn’t suppose to have pizza that I didn’t make at home. What havoc that does to his stomach and brain!

“So, Mom, can I have forgiveness?”

“Of course, Nick.” At this point, I couldn’t get mad at him. He knew the consequences of his actions. He set me up perfectly too. How could I get upset when he opened the door by asking for forgiveness? Talk about a brilliant mind!!!

He was willing to go through pain in order to be able to share a meal with a friend.

By the way, the download and the example??? Nick was trying to figure out how to talk about the whole incident, and couldn’t figure out how to start the conversation. Very typical of an autistic mind.

Can I Ask For Forgiveness: A Dot to Dot Conversation

“Mom, can I ask for forgiveness?” I didn’t take that as a good sign.
Nicholas has been talking better in the last few weeks. However, the conversation is really fragmented. For example, here is how the last one started. It was like a verbal connect the dot game.
“Mom, I have an example.”
“Of what?” I thought to myself.
“Mom, if I download something…”
Ummm…. where are we going with this…
“Mom, can I ask for forgiveness?”
I intentionally do not react, although my brain is firing off possibilities of what could have happened. Then I think back to the clues he gave me. An example. A download. Forgiveness.
The real problem kicks in now. Nick refuses to talk anymore.
I know anxiety precludes Nick from any decent form of conversation. So this is one where I’ll have to be patient. It’s like the TV mystery show that end with “to be continued” just at that precise moment of…
–to be continued!


Follow Up On Nicholas: A Good Week

I went to the school psychologist to follow up on the Best Buddy program. Nothing has been done. The psychologist said he did ask about it, but I have to fill out the application online. I asked if I could print out the application and give it to the program coordinator since I was there on campus. The answer was NO.

I have a problem with filling out information about my boys online. I don’t know where this information is going. This is private information, and I don’t want their identity compromised.
In the past couple of months I’ve already received solicitation calls for my two teens with autism. These are calls regarding college and taking the PSAT or SAT. I’ve asked these callers where they are getting my sons’ information from, and they refuse to tell me.
I conveyed this to the psychologist who said that is illegal. These callers must identify where they are getting the information. That doesn’t do me any good, and it only makes me more cautious as to filling out forms online.
We are at a stalemate.
The good side is that Nick seems to be holding his own for now. He’s talking a bit better. He seems more stable emotionally. So we continue to take one day at a time.

What Is Life With Autism Like: A Runner’s Race

Never giving up…

http://www.godvine.com/Christian-Athlete-Takes-a-Fall-But-Still-Wins-the-Race-378.html

A friend sent me this video. She offered no explanation. I watched this short video, and I knew why she sent it. This video is a perfect example of what life is like with autism for a parent. I can’t speak from a perspective of a person with autism, but I would guess that it does suffice from that angle as well–based on what I see how my sons persist in their daily lives.

Of course, we are still running to our finish lines!