A Christmas Tradition
Category: Christmas
Christmas: Meshing the Secular with the Spiritual
How does a “Good Catholic” rectify celebrating Christmas with The Nativity and Santa Claus? My answer is simple: Easy… after years of practice!
My dad calls Santa Claus the Father of Socialism: a kid gets something for nothing and that is a bad lesson for anyone, let alone kids. My cousin claims that Santa is Satan in disguise. He represents greed and materialism. My response is no; Santa is the opposite. He is a saint. He gives and expects nothing in return.
I can see how some people do not understand how we give our children presents from Santa, yet we profess that Christmas is about the birth of Christ. My husband is agnostic, and three of my five boys have autism. I have to mix my spiritual beliefs with a secular outlook in order to include all of my family members.
When asked years ago, my husband said that celebrating Christmas is the right thing to do. He grew up associating family with Christmas, and it was always celebrated, but I needed to ensure that my boys understood the true meaning of Christmas. I taught my boys what Christmas is—the birthday of Christ. We incorporated the simplest rituals of a birthday: baking a cake, singing Happy Birthday, and giving of presents.
We then delved into who was Santa. Our boys learned the history of Santa, who was based on St. Nicholas. He was a Greek bishop back in the fourth century who lived in Asia Minor. My boys learned the legend of St Nick’s gifts as a dowry for three daughters so they could be married. However, I emphasized that he brought gifts, without thought of receiving anything in return.
One of my favorite ornaments is St. Nick bowing before the Christ Child. This image clarifies everything: Christ is the focus. His birth, life, death, and resurrection is why we celebrate Christmas, and St. Nick lived his life as a Christian, witnessing the life of Christ.
As a family, we do much more to celebrate the birth of Christ. We celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas because the season begins on December 25, not ends. We add the Christ Child to our Nativity Scene on December 25 and leave it up until January 6.
It all comes down to Christ. He brings us together. He is why we celebrate. He is why St Nick brings us gifts.
Battle of the Cardboard Swords
After wrapping presents, the cardboard “swords” always tempt the boys to play. As they have gotten older, nothing has changed.
Two cardboard rolls awaited them.
Cameron and Nick picked them up and dueled in the unspoken challenge.
They took turns charging, hitting, and retreating. Then Nick took a swing. Cam lost most of his sword. In utter disbelief, Cam tried to piece it back together. Nick smiled victoriously. Cam acknowledged his defeat.
Sometimes the silliest thing are the best!
Expectations, Interpretations,and Assumptions
As we prepared for Christmas, I asked my youngest, 15 year old Cameron, to help me wrap presents. I asked him to get the tape. He came back with duct tape. He then proceeded to “wrap” presents with the duct tape. He even put a bow on one. He thoughtfully marked who the presents were for with a permanent marker. Very efficient and expedient.
Living with all males in the house, I forget that their interpretations of words might be different than mine. Through my experience, whenever tape was mentioned, I didn’t hesitate to get the scotch tape, so why would my son’s be any different? I assumed he would know. However, his experience with tape has been duct tape, because duct tape fixes EVERYTHING. His dad has taught him well.
Although my expectation was not met with what I assumed Cameron would get, I was happy. He interpreted my words and did as I asked. His version of wrapping resulted in a much different look than my version. That’s ok. He helped, and we had fun wrapping in our own style.
As we gave family members their presents, they got a good laugh. It all added to the celebration of Christmas.
Beach Days Of Christmas
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| Nick and Cam |
The remaining days of the Christmas season our family journeyed to the beach.
In January, the beaches are not crowded, yet the fun remains. The boys run along the coast, and sometimes they swim. Mike and I walk to the local pier, talking about anything and everything. Our family gets a chance to relax and unwind.
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| Mike |
The fog greeted us the first day, but the following days were sunny and brisk. The apparel varied from jeans to shorts, pending if the sun decided to hang out. The guys decided to go whale watching while I enjoyed some quiet time. Then we dared outside dining–complete with heaters.
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| Nick |
We rarely plan the entire trip. We like having down time, and the boys need practice with spontaneity–a difficult concept for teens with autism. So as the whim of an idea catches us, we may do it. Or not. No matter what, the best time is the time on the beach.
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| Cam |
Best Christmas Gift: All My Sons Together
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| Nick, Stuart, Ryan, Cameron, Michael |
Not exactly a Christmas photo, but it was taken a week ago. They had planned a garage sale together. They all contributed in some manner, and they split the profit.
I don’t get to see my boys together very often. Mike moved out a decade ago, so activities that include all of them are rare.
I enjoyed seeing them work as a team, and getting along. So many times I hear that siblings don’t get along, especially when special needs like autism are involved. Best Christmas present a mom could ever get!
Merry Christmas!
Keeping Christmas Alive
When my kids were younger, I was concerned if they understood the real meaning of Christmas. With public schools taking every notion of spirituality out and stores marketing the “perfect” gift, I needed to emphasize the birth of Christ. Autistic kids are so literal, so I wanted to ensure MY values are stressed, not the school’s or retailer’s.
I started with simple steps. My kids understood the traditional rituals of a birthday party; they understood a birthday party included items like gifts, cake, candles, and singing. So on Christmas afternoon, we celebrated the birth of Christ like all other birthdays. We baked a cake together. We all blew out the candles and sang “Happy Birthday” to Jesus. This also helped with the Christmas “blues” that sometimes came. (All the presents were opened, now what?) We always enjoyed the birthday party, and the focus was on Baby Jesus.
As the boys grew older, we evolved into celebrating the twelve days of Christmas. We gave gifts every day from December 25 to January 6. Again, this was to emphasize that Christmas was not just about getting gifts in abundance. The focus had to remain on the Christ-child. We always said a small prayer of thanks before opening the gifts. Our gifts usually centered on family events, giving of our time to each other.
“Gifts” varied from a video rental to dinner out. Miniature golfing or bowling were winners as well. Once in a while, we gave a can of soda or made a whole pizza for each boy. Of course, we had gifts of little toys are games in the mix. The boys learned patience and were able to appreciate gifts as they were received instead of the “what should I open next” syndrome.
Christmas is a joyful season. Instead of ending on December 25, it’s only the beginning.
The Proposal
Today is our twentieth anniversary of our engagement party. Yes, we invited over 800 of our closest friends for this special event. NOT. Twenty years ago Mike asked me to marry him in front of these 800+ people at our employer’s Christmas party. He pulled me on stage, got down on one knee, and proposed. Guts.
I had no idea that he had already asked my parents for my “hand in marriage”. On the other hand, he did not know that I had already purchased a wedding dress two weeks prior, accompanied by my mom. (Thanks, Aunt Barb, for that inspirational story of your purchase before the proposal.)
My parents must have had a good laugh knowing that they were privy to the secrets that Mike and I had from each other. By the way, my parents did give their consent.
I did say yes. I would have said yes, even if I did not have that wedding dress. That was too funny.
So on the Feast Day of the Immaculate Conception for the last twenty years, it has been nice to be able to go to Mass and take a few, peaceful minutes to be thankful for the blessings given us.
How My Family Simplified Christmas Gifts
Five years ago I searched through every closet, corner, and crevice, looking for items I could give away to make room for the incoming treasures that Christmas might bring. After three months of purging, my home was that–a home. It was not full of antiquated toys, books, and clothes. We had space to live and breath! Suddenly, dusting was easy. WOW.
The thought of new items occupying this new space dampened my spirit. I did not want to have to repeat this headache of purging and sorting, but how could I not allow my children the fun of receiving gifts from their loving grandparents and relatives? My children would not understand, particularly my sons with autism. Tradition dictated that Christmas celebrations included Mass and presents!
At the same time that I faced this problem, I really wanted my whole family to go on a vacation. Time and money were always in short supply. After weeks of pondering these issues, I asked my husband what he thought of this solution: instead of receiving toys, why don’t we ask the relatives who were inclined to give our sons gifts, that they give money towards a trip, like Disneyland. He liked the idea.
We approached the grandparents, and they were thrilled with the idea. No more guessing of what toys or games to purchase. No more questions of what size, color, or brand of clothing might the grandkids like. No more crowds at the malls. No more fighting for parking spaces. No more shipping charges and post office lines. Indeed, we were on to something.
On Christmas morning, there were small packages for everyone to open. Inside the boxes were tickets to Disneyland. The boys were absolutely astounded. We also received a dvd so the kids could actually see what Disneyland was like. They had no problem understanding that this was a huge vacation.
The following week we experienced great fun and apprehension, but I will cover that in a different post. The ultimate conclusion was a simplified Christmas, for both the givers and receivers, and a wonderful family vacation that we have since repeated five times annually.
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