independence – sherylscript

Guardians of…

Today, Mike and I became legal guardians. We are now defenders of the universe. Sounds cool. I just wish the role belonged in a movie.

Doctors and psychologists told us to pursue guardianship years ago, well before our boys turned 18. However, from what I read, our boys would lose much of their independence, and that would cost them too much mentally and emotionally.

Laws have changed since I first researched guardianship. The best news we found was that we could file for full guardianship, and our son could retain his drivers license and his right to vote. An attorney informed us that we could protect our son without infringing on his those two concerns.

Yes, we hired an attorney, and it was money well spent. We did not have to worry about filing the correct papers and making sure we had all the details complete. The financial cost was nothing compared to my time and emotional well being. There were many steps to follow, and missing any one of them would delay our court date.

So four months later, we have concluded a legal process to help our young autistic adult to continue his life towards independence.

Mom Gone, Boys Thrive

The boys survived the week without Mom. I was in TX the entire week for training for a new job. I was wary about leaving my family for so long, but they did just fine without me. In their words: Ryan said, “I am not dead.” Nick texted, “I am foog,” which I think was mis-typed but auto-correct made it worse. Then Cameron humorously commented, “The house burnt down, but other than that, I am fine.” Yes, I missed my boys.

So I arrived home, not looking forward to the laundry and grocery shopping. I was pleasantly surprised. Their laundry was done, folded, and in the process of being put away. (I bet someone yelled, “Mom’s home,” and they ran to put clothes in their proper dressers.

Then I found the refrigerator about as full as I left it. Plenty of vegetables and fruit. My boys didn’t look scrawny, nor did they complain of hunger. What did they eat? I checked with my husband. Mike confirmed that they ate, and ate well. Mike pointed out that Nick started dinner on Friday, scrambling up eggs. So they consumed food all week. Probably just not the veggies. So I really did not have to do grocery shopping for them.

So no laundry and shopping. Except for what I needed done. My sons continue to surprise me at their adapting abilities. It’s one step closer to total independence for all of them.

That is GOOD.

Ryan Is Driving On His Own!!

Ryan celebrating with Grandma

Five days ago Ryan took the drivers test and passed. He has a drivers license. Unfortunately, I was not with him, but Ryan texted me immediately. “I got it: my drivers license,” was his exact statement.

I called him, and I asked how it felt, “Good.” I could hear him smiling. Rare. Ryan was genuinely happy. I was happy too. It’s been a long haul for him to arrive at this point.

Eighteen months ago, Ryan didn’t want to drive. He didn’t want the responsibility. Ryan was quite content to let us drive him around. Not a lot of ambition. That doesn’t sit well, especially when Ryan wants to be independent. I never understood that concept: he wants to be independent, but he doesn’t want the responsibility.

Mike and I simply stated that if Ryan wanted to be independent, he needed to pursue skills that will make him independent. Mastering some sort of transportation was a must–be it public or private transportation didn’t matter. He needed to be able to get to places on his own, especially if he wanted a job.

So Ryan had taken the drivers ed course at high school. He “drove” the simulators, but just wasn’t ready. We didn’t push for a few years. However, when he graduated from high school, we pushed a little bit. Thanks to my parents, Ryan earned his drivers permit last summer. And ding–Ryan suddenly liked driving.

Now he can drive without me. Yea. He has a smile on his face. Constantly. He is very happy with this new-found independence. He even agreed that the responsibility is worth it!

Ryan Turns 19

Ryan’s favorite ice cream

Today is Ryan’s birthday. He’s been counting down the days for over two weeks. I think he is more excited about turning 19 than he was 18. Wonder why?

Could be many reasons!

I think there is less stress in Ryan’s life. He graduated last May, so he’s not in school full time. He starts his college classes tomorrow. He’s only taking a few classes, and he’s chosen them. Unlike high school, where there were standards and requirements, Ryan is taking college slowly. As of now, Ryan is enrolled in 3 college classes, but he’s taking one class at a time.

Ryan is in control of his time. He continues to write his book. He’s writing all day, every day. He doesn’t have to deal with a lot of people, so less communication is required of him.

Ryan has less commitments, but he’s trying new things. At his pace. Ryan’s learning to drive. He is exploring new communication technology. He now has a computer, so this technology can open a new world of learning for him.

Ryan’s also accomplished a lot this year. Besides graduating, Ryan spoke at a regional autism conference, played on a competitive team sport, and passed his drivers permit test. Those are a few highlights.

Of course, Mom and Dad still push Ryan in adult responsibilities as Ryan yearns for complete independence. Ryan has grown and matured a lot this past year. He seems to be getting comfortable in his own skin. We are very proud of him.

Ryan doesn’t know what he’s going to pursue, career-wise. Lots to think about there for any 19 year old, let alone a teenager with autism. However, today, we’re celebrating.

Like all of us, Ryan is a work in progress! Happy Birthday…

Autism Concern: When The Parents Are Gone Part II

Will my kids be able to function independently when I’m gone? Another wonderful question parents of a special needs kid faces. I’m not anticipating leaving the Earth any time soon, but this question needs answers.

As parents, we can have all the legal and financial documents in place, but those papers don’t address the real concern of what will happen to our kids. HOW will they live? What are their actual abilities? Even more important, how confident are they?

This summer I am focusing on educating our autistic teens on real life skills and issues. Everything from junk mail and scams to emergency situations. My goal is to get them functioning independently NOW. Not when they’re older. Not when I’m physically or mentally gone (ok that occasionally happens already).

There are the obvious life lessons of budgeting, shopping, cooking, cleaning, housing, schooling, etc. There’s also the medical and government agencies that requires mountains of paperwork. Details. Follow through. There are many steps in each of these issues.

For example, transportation–can my boys drive? My parents have volunteered to help in this endeavor. Getting a driver’s permit, let alone license, is paramount to independence. We’re not sure the boys can handle driving, but we need to find out. If they can’t, then getting them familiar with public transit will be the next step. Finding support systems and training is vital, and they do exist.