teens with autism – Page 4

Potential Job/Career Idea!!

Last year I found a group that meets monthly to help kids with autism transition into adulthood. These meetings feature speakers or events. Last night Ryan and I attended the meeting that debuted a family business looking to train and hire teens and young adults on the autism spectrum.

That is highly unusual. Autism usually strikes fear is employers. This business is SEEKING THEM OUT!

I was very hopeful, but also very suspicious. My teens with autism want to be independent. I want them independent. With 90% of autistic adults unemployed, this could be such a blessing! But who looks for autistic teens? Well, we went to find out.

The speakers were from a family business–four generations in the business. The fourth generation, the son, has Aspergers, which is a form of autism. We heard the family history, and the success of the business.

These parents realized the success of their son was due to his symptoms of Aspergers–focusing for long periods of time, perfecting the details, wanting to work alone, etc. I could see both of my sons fitting into this description easily.

I was quite impressed with the family’s plan for their new business venture. It covered everything from basic training to career opportunities. My thoughts jumped: job training; financial security; solid career; personal fulfillment–ideas that many parents worry about their kids with special needs. This seemed to be an answer.

The only downside is that there is a cost. Not that it’s expensive. But money is money. Since this is a pilot program, there is no guarantee or track record of success. And will my kids really like it? Oh! Moms can be so worrisome.

Well, Ryan and I are exploring the opportunities presented last night. The timing may not be right, but this is at least an opportunity. It’s so important to have a path, a direction in life. Even Ryan acknowledges that! So, here’s to some research and maybe a sale-able trade!

To My Sons’ Grandparents–On Grandparents Day

Thank God for grandparents!! They spoil our kids. They give forbidden treats behind our backs. They let the kiddos stay up late. Grandmas might even bake gluten free cookies for them.

For parents with kids with autism, grandparents can be more than the mellow, nice version of the people who raised us. Grandparents can offer wisdom and reprieve to parents with shaken nerves and overtaxed brains.

My Mom

The flip side is that grandparents can give suggestions (or criticize) and cause more stress, although their intentions may have been good. Grandparents may only see their grandkids with autism occasionally and not understand the intricacies of daily life. Visits can be bittersweet. Taking time to chat can be a hardship, but constant routine is necessary in the life of autism.

My Dad

In my case, my parents are about 40 miles away–far enough to breath, close enough to help. They know most of the tasks and goals of my sons with autism. This last summer they took on the task of helping the boys passing their drivers permit test. Goal accomplished. With LOTS of patience.

Mike’s Mom

My husband’s parents live in another state. Their visits are fewer. They can see more distinct progression or regression; something that we might miss. They always want to know what’s going on, to help the boys. Sometimes it’s hard to describe everything concisely, but we try.

Mike and his Dad

Both sets of grandparents help at family gatherings and events. Loud noises and strange people always stress out the boys, so having those extra eyes and hands of grandparents can help ease anxiety–both of the boys and me.

I’m very grateful to both sets of grandparents. Happy Grandparents Day!!

Another Chauffeur For Mom

Nick with Grandma

In late July Nicholas aced his driving permit test. YEA. He smiled and was very happy that he met his goal. Nicholas didn’t pass on the first attempt. It took him a few tries.

The first two times he was devastated that he didn’t pass. He had studied for many hours, literally reading the book everywhere we went. I had to frequently tell him to leave the book in the car.

When Nicholas commits to something like this, he doesn’t quit. That can be quite scary. Nicholas can work himself into an anxiety attack. We have to watch him carefully. We have seen Nick’s face get red. He has complained of chest pains and his heart racing. We often have to stop Nick, so he will take a break. He is a perfectionist. Extreme focus. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks of the quote from the movie, Apollo 13, “Failure is not an option!” Some day I can see him running a quality control center…

Anyways, three was the magic number. He kept trying, and it paid off. I love his smile!

I now have two teenagers learning how to drive. My parents, my husband, and I have taken turns on the road with them. It’s quite an experience. I don’t need to worry about a cardio workout after some of these driving excursions.

My favorite part is that they have their permits. We were never sure that they’d be able accomplish this, but they have. Just goes to show we can never underestimate the potential of teens with autism.

My chauffeurs await!

Autism Concern: When The Parents Are Gone

Here’s to life!

What will happen to my kids when I’m dead and gone? That’s a question every parent with a special needs kid asks. It’s a legitimate question.

I see how people have treated my kids–both bad and good. I have seen and heard the teasing, the rolling eyes, the ignoring, the avoiding, the comments in relation to my boys with autism. I have seen the pain in my boys’ eyes caused by others. The flip side is the support, the protection, the friendships offered and given to my boys. I have seen my boys’ joy and laughter. It fills their entire beings.

As a mother, I doubt anyone else will ever love and understand my boys as well as I do. I hope one day to be proven wrong. Nevertheless, I see reality and cringe.

This past year Mike and I have started to address the reality of our mortality. We have gotten needed documents in order. We have named who will “parent” should we die sooner than expected. We’ve even made burial plans. Not fun topics, but necessary. Of course, our focus is still life–living the best life we can!

I’m glad the “dead stuff” is mostly done. This last week, I met “my future”. I never anticipated hearing “go see a specialist” and “surgery Monday”. Yet, I did. I am not worried about me. My kids? Well, that just takes me back to the beginning. What will happen to my kids when I’m dead and gone?

Tennis Season Is Done and The Payoff

Nick and Ryan

Ryan and Nick finished their tennis season a few weeks ago. They were happy to be done with daily practice. I am thrilled they stuck with the sport through the entire season.

There were days when Ryan did not want to go. “It’s hot,” or “I don’t feel like it.” Then there’s the classic, “I have homework to do.” However, Ryan did continued to go. On the other hand, Nick did not voice any complaints, but I bet the heat bothered him occasionally. We strongly encouraged both of them throughout the season. Even the grandparents helped coach and practiced with them. It is hard to say, “I’m tired,” when a couple of 70+ years are out on the court!

We stressed the commitment and the membership of belonging to a team. They just couldn’t quit. They understood, and finished they did!

They really enjoyed the sport. As Ryan said, “I don’t have to run all the time. There’s breaks.” Nick wants to join the team next year. “By then I’ll be really good cuz I’m going to practice lots.” Knowing Nick, he’ll follow through.

From a mom’s point of view, here is the payoff for my kids with autism: they are receiving texts inviting them to go out and play tennis. Kids with autism have such a difficult time talking, socializing, etc., and it’s so easy for others to NOT invite them. It saves everyone that uncomfortable, awkward situation of what to say or do.

Out on a tennis court, that situation is removed. They play tennis. They talk tennis. It’s a basis for a friendship to grow. The sport builds camaraderie between teammates, as well as the competition between opponents. The teammates and opponents can be one and the same too!

My boys are happy as well! Which makes Momma happy!

Autism and Grandparents: Inspiration

Grandma Lucia

I’ve often been asked how I constantly keep up with the demands of my life, especially with teens with autism. My answer always includes prayer, supportive spouse, wonderful family and friends, etc. However, there is one person who has inspired me before I ever heard of the word “autism”.

My grandmother, Lucia.

She was an immigrant from Holland in 1912. She was eight. Her father had also moved to the USA a year prior to get established. Then came the family via ship. The Titanic had sunk before their voyage, so that thought was constantly on her mind. She was very happy when they docked.

She went to school, worked as a translator, and met my grandfather. Their first date was a Fourth of July picnic at church. They married. She gave birth to ten children. Ten boys at that. No girls. She told me stories of her boys. Those stories don’t always match my uncles’ versions. One uncle just smiled when I told him Grandma’s version. He just smiled. Makes me wonder what really happened.

Grandma told me stories of her youth. Some were wonderful. Others, not so much. She emphasized a strong spirit persists.

As issues and conflicts arise with my boys, I often think of my grandma. How did she muster the strength to keep going? How many prayers did she say? I have half as many boys, and quite often I am at a loss–emotionally, physically, etc. Somehow my grandmother managed.

One of my last memories of my grandparents together was in their room. They had chairs next to each other. In the background were the pictures of their ten boys. My grandparents sat next to each other. They held hands. They looked at each other. They smiled. My grandmother looked at me. She winked and nodded her head at me.

Many years have passed. I can still see her wink and nod. She still encourages me.

Time Out For Fun

Nick, Victorious Knight, Cam, and Ryan

Amidst the turmoil of autism, we need fun. Yes, we need to keep a balance of sensory, safety, and dietary issues. Consequently, we do a lot of research for any outing. We found one that would stretch the boys. Medieval Times!

Think of eating with no utensils. Ok, maybe not too hard to endure for boys.

Picture a stadium setting with theatrical lighting and roaring crowds. Now hear the clashing of metal upon metal during the jousting, and breathing of dirt, hay, and whatever remnants of the horses. For typical kids, this could be a highlight event. For teens with autism, it could be a sensory nightmare.

We knew the boys loved the movies of the Lord of the Rings. They thoroughly enjoyed the sword-fighting and chivalry. They admired the steadfast Aragorn, especially when the odds were against him. Legolas and Gimli added further dimension of weaponry and defense. So we drew similarities from the movies to what this Medieval Times would include.

We prepared them for the close contact of the arena seating. We warned them of the unpredictable lights and sounds. We gave them possible solutions as to how to deal with these. They were gamed to go, and they looked forward to eating with their fingers! (Years ago they couldn’t stand dirt or shaving cream on their fingers, so this would have been a concern back then.)

We arrived at the facililty, and the boys took it all in. At times they had to sit and relax, but for the most part, they enjoyed all the sites and sounds of the retail area. They even wore crowns/hats! Then we were escorted into the actual arena. Food and drink came and went. The knights on horseback traversed right in front of us as we had front row seating. Theatre lights blinded us occasionally. Loud narratives welcomed us and introduced the games as they unfolded.

Throughout the entire evening, the boys were intent on what played out in front of them. They cheered and waved our banner when our knight did well. They weren’t too keen when the horse snorted just a few feet from them. They experienced the show without problems. No complaint. The boys were extremely loud when our knight won the jousting contest.

Mike and I were relieved when they all concurred that we should return. And soon!

Autism and Signing Documents

Paperwork!! Nobody likes paperwork, but it is one of those necessities of life. Especially for kids with autism. Adults with autism too.

Yesterday, Ryan signed his first set of legal documents. He signed powers of attorney. One was 13 pages long! The others were only a few pages. He diligently read each section that he was asked to initial. He took his time. At the end of each document he signed his name. Carefully. In cursive. We rehearsed that.

For several weeks Mike and I have been talking with Ryan about growing up and taking responsibility. That is something that Ryan isn’t really keen on. He definitely wants freedom and independence, but he’s not really keen on the responsibility that comes with the territory of adulthood.

That can spell disaster for a typical 18 year old, but for an adult with autism who might be easily swayed, this is not something to take lightly. Any wrong decision could be life altering for him. And us.

I researched the different avenues we could pursue, as parents, for Ryan. We want to protect him, while continuing to teach him about his choices in life. We want him to continue to become independent from us, while minimizing risks. It’s really an oxymoron in logic.

I attended a few seminars about guardianship and “transitioning into adulthood”. I learned about the various types of guardianship that would require going to court to prove to a judge that Ryan is incompetent, completely or partially. That would remove all or some rights for Ryan, like driving, voting, etc. I also learned about power of attorney that doesn’t restrict Ryan’s rights at all. He authorizes us (or whomever he chooses) to make decisions or help him make decisions. He retains his ability to make his choices independently, as well.

My gut reaction was the option of the power of attorney. Mike agreed. We explained the power of attorney concept to Ryan, and he liked that idea! I found a special needs estate planner to draw up the documents. Although I could have used any attorney, I want someone who specializes in this field. It took a couple of weeks, and yesterday, Ryan signed those documents.

His first signing as an adult.

Happy Birthday, Ryan!

Ryan turned 18 over the weekend. It was a happy occasion. I started planning the day about a week ahead of time. Having autism, Ryan doesn’t have a lot of friends. He talks with people, if they ask him a question. However, extended conversations still elude Ryan. Therefore, it is difficult to cultivate and maintain typical friendships. Since this was a milestone, I wanted it to be memorable for Ryan.

I surprised him in the morning by taking him out for a birthday breakfast. A local restaurant offers a free breakfast on the actual birth date. He had no problem with that. Ryan then visited a fellow home schooling family. I knew Ryan wanted to go to Benihana’s for dinner, but I had other plans in store for him. So we went to lunch there. He felt at ease since we had been there recently. He gave a big smile when the camera came around, as compared to the photo taken about a month ago. Ryan doesn’t usually smile with such ease.

In the evening I ran some errands with the boys to keep them guessing where we were going. I was successful for most of the ride. Eventually, they guessed where we were destined, but they didn’t guess a surprise party with extended family members. We had a wonderful pool party with cousins and relatives. Ryan enjoyed the surprise and the festivities.

I was very thankful that most relatives came. It is very hard for a parent to celebrate events for teens with autism. My sister’s comment illustrated the point. Her daughter asked why Ryan wasn’t celebrating with his friends? My sister had to explain to her daughter that autism can inhibit communication with others. So even kids who know Matthew quite well don’t fully comprehend what it’s like socially for a teen with autism. That circle of friends that seems so typical of teenagers doesn’t necessarily exist for these autistic kids.

It’s always a question for the parents: how to fill that void? I’m not sure there is an answer.

For now, I’m glad that Ryan had a happy birthday, and we continue to work on conversation skills.

What Was Public Transit Like For Teens With Autism?

Adventurous. Courageous. Thrilling. Suspenseful. Confusing. Just a few words that describe our voyage on the bus and light rail. Of course, it also depends on which boy answers that question.

We went with a group arranged by AZ Assist which is a local group formed to help young adults transition to adulthood. AZ Assist had planned this “field trip”, complete with a “tour guide” from Valley Metro, the company who runs the transportation. There were many people of different ages. It was a bit noisy for Ryan and Nick, but they were committed to the journey on which we had embarked.

We stepped on the bus and sat in the back as there was no room to sit in the front. We sat on the very last row, which reverberated with the air conditioner. It was so loud that we could not hear what our tour guide was saying in the front of the bus. Ryan and Nick were able to survive the noise by enjoying the scenery outside the windows. It was dark, so we could see all the lights in businesses that we passed.

Young Cam asked how do we let the bus driver know when we want to get off? BINGO. Good question. Cam said he could yell to the driver. I have no doubt he could, but not the best answer. We found small red buttons on poles along the bus that said STOP. Someone pushed it, and the bus came to a stop at the next scheduled stop along its route.

After a short ride on the bus, our group of about 50 people vacated the bus. We waited at the light rail station for a few minutes. We learned how to purchase and validate a pass on the machine. Then we entered a train-like vehicle. It was a quiet ride compared to the bus. The boys thoroughly enjoyed the light rail more than the bus. We showed the boys the map of the light rail, so they knew how to find the stops. There is no access to the driver on the light rail, so the boys need to know where to find information.

About ten minutes later, we emerged from the light rail train. We had finished our quest. On our trip home, I asked the boys what they thought about the trip. Ryan said if was fine, but he declined to share more. Nick said he was confused, but he offered a solution. He said he would learn to drive a car. Cam said it was fun to push the button on the bus.

Obviously, this was a new adventure, and we will need to repeat it. This was a trip out of their comfort zone, but it was a step in the direction of independence.